Page 75 of The River in Spring
“As your father, I tell you I see it all over your face. You’re miserable without her.”
“If you really love her, you’ll be with her. That’s it. Whether it’s on her playing field or yours.”
“And nothing will stop you. Not even your own stupid missteps,” my father adds with emphasis.
I don’t have a witty retort. Hell, I can’t even think of a rebuttal. And that’s the second time someone called me stupid in two days. That must mean it’s true.
“I have to get off. I have a client to talk with,” I lie, and they know it. “Have a wonderful anniversary. Love you guys.”
“Go, go! Take care of business,” my mother sends a not so subtle message.
“Thanks for calling, son! We’re going to check back in a few days. See if you came out of your coma.”
They do not wait for me to argue with the brutal assessment. They sign-off.
All day long, I work to be in another state of mind. I catch up with the business that has piled up in the last weeks. I make myself a good lunch. I put on background music to work by, but that was a mistake. Everything reminded me of Dove. Whether it was rock or classical, she came into my mind and made the music make sense. I couldn’t handle that.
I wanted to turn off the phone when my siblings wouldn’t leave me alone. Word has spread. The Invisible Man has gone into hiding again and they’re not having it. So basically, I’m ignoring them all. Decline, Decline, Decline.
The house has become lonely. No Dove, no Maudie, just a stillness that has nothing to do with serenity.
So, I sit on the porch watching the sun go down. Wondering where home went. Thoughts have nowhere to go but to her.
Every argument has been made. I’ve used all the tools at my disposal to rationally stand my ground, and they are worthless. I have painfully turned every stone. Against all that she is, my weak arguments fail. It is a proverbial wall I have hit and Dove stands on the other side waiting. There is no going around. If I want to get to her, I need to destroy the barricade I built in life, brick by brick.
“Fuck me,” I say to the trees.
I’m left to become a new man or left to return to what I was before. Shit. Why would I want to be him? Yeah, I was happy enough, and the routine in my life felt like satisfaction. Now I know too much. Her chaos has become my calm. Besides, the man I was is gone for good, whether I go or not. It is impossible to forget who I became loving her.
I stand. Love may be a mistake. But it’s the one worth making.
Chapter 21
Dove
“I’m not going to ask again if you’re sure.”
“Good.”
Deborah watches as I point to the turnoff for the airport.
“Even though it makes me nervous you won’t be back in time.”
That’s the real fear. And I understand the hesitation. It looks like I am riskingeverything. Like I will let the brass ring slip from my hands and therefore the hands of my friends.
“No need to worry. It’s going to work out. I get back at noon tomorrow, you’re going to pick me up, or us up, and no one will be the wiser.”
“Yeah. That’s what your ticket says. But what if there’s bad weather or mechanical issues?”
“Then I will wait for the next flight. We have two days.”
We get in the line of cars inching toward drop off for American Airlines.
“Not really. You have a day and a half till we meet with the attorney. Your bandmates would think it odd if you weren’t there Monday morning.”
“If worse comes to worst, I can say I’m sick. It would buy me a little time. But that isn’t going to happen!”
“I don’t know. Tony and Jimmy are suspicious something is up. They think it’s weird you’re staying in, the first few days you’ve had off in weeks.”
