Page 53 of The River in Spring
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you can come along. Be with me. If Nashville is the place I need to be, then we will learn to love it. What would be stopping you?” I say it with the enthusiasm felt. It seems so obvious to me. Why not to him?
“Uh, my life, my job, the home, Maudie, the family. Shall I go on? I mean it’s not that simple, Dove.”
“As far as I can see, it’s only Maudie that needs to come first. You said not two weeks ago you could work from anywhere in the United States. Your family? They would be happy for your adventure. Your house? It doesn’t need you. You have a security system, and you can come back and check in whenever you’d feel the urge. And your life? Whether we are together for one year or a hundred, it should be thought of asourlife.”
“Well, yes. That’s true.”
“Then you should know that sometimes inourlife, my goals and dreams will take first place. Being together will require us both to make sacrifices at different times. I’ve already proved how devoted I can be to those I love. I have put myself second. I think we need to demonstrate we support the aim of the other. Are you willing to do that, especially when it’s so simple for you to do?”
“Of course, I support you.”
He knows I’m right, but it’s just too far out of his comfort zone to say more. Did he think I was going to lose the lifelong dream? No, my love. I can love youandcatch a star. Come along with me. I want it more than you could possibly know. And by that I mean the dream and you.
That dark expression makes me think the electric chair is waiting for his occupancy just outside the restaurant. Dead man walking. He notices my eyes taking it all in, and switches channels.
“Let’s go home and salvage the day,” he says smiling.
I reach for his hand. “Good thinking, baby.”
All the way back we’re playing grab ass with each other. It seemed like it took an hour to get from the restaurant to his driveway. I’d say both of us have come to the conclusion distraction is the best way forward. At least for a night. I rub the back of his neck, he runs a hand over my leg. There’s little conversation but it’s not uncomfortable. The previous discussion has to settle first. For us both. He is adjusting to the idea of a different kind of life and I’m juggling with knowing how difficult it will be for him. Sex and affection are great tools to remind us of our bond.
It isn’t easy for either to realize we may be faced with a life changing decision so soon in our relationship. But I can’t ignore what I know. Nobel and I are meant. To be together, to love, and to find a way through whatever obstacles present themselves. This is life. If we want to be together, it’s within our power to make it happen.
“I can’t wait to get in bed and just let the day go,” he says, shutting off the motor.
“Me too. I don’t want to think of anything other than the healing touch of your hands on my body. Let’s go.”
He’s looking at the side window of the front door and his brows come together.
“What?”
“Maudie isn’t greeting us. It’s kind of strange.”
The pit of my stomach tightens.
“She’s probably sleeping. Her hearing is getting worse.”
“True. That’s it. Okay, let’s go in.”
Exiting the car, we climb the steps and I sense a fear in him. And me if I’m being honest. Oh please Maudie. Be there. Be there. Nobel wastes no time getting the key in, and just as he does, I see Maudie through the window. Her eyes are open as she lays on the floor by the window.
“There she is!” I say with the relief that floods my body.
His attention is pulled to the window.
“Hi my girl! Fuck you scared the shit out of me,” he says as the door swings open.
But as we enter and he gets on his knees to embrace the dog, I see the change in her. Something is different. Off. As Nobel’s hands pet her coat and he offers loving words, she tries getting up. A sharp whine sounds and then leaves as quickly as it came.
“Her arthritis must be especially bad. Poor baby. I’m going to warm your pad. Let me get that going. Dove, will you get a biscuit for her?”
He wants to believe the pain comes from the arthritis and ignore the fact she is also suffering from the pain of the cancer. I think in his mind it sounds like a solvable problem. Something to wrap his head around when the truth can’t be faced. He’s pretending because it is so painful to know there isn’t a thing he can do to fix the problem. He cannot save the dog he loves with all his heart.
“Yeah. Is it time for the pain med yet? Want me to bring it?”
I throw my bag to a chair and head for the kitchen island.
