Page 76 of The Sky in Summer
“Does an emotional death count?”
“I’d have to check the rule book, but I’m pretty sure it qualifies.”
I sit with my arms on my knees, eating candy covered chocolate, staring at the stunning scene. Lake water so clear and blue. There are a few JetSkis skimming across the glassy water and one banana boat being towed. It looks funny because there is only one rider. The dive float has no sunbathers to rock to sleep. Autumn has arrived.
“Everything is changed,” I say, looking at my sister for confirmation or argument. She will know I’m not talking about the weather. Maybe she won’t see things like I do. It would make me feel better if she didn’t.
“I know,” she agrees.
That sucks. There is no denying reality when it has been confirmed by a trusted advisor. I need to face the truth.
“Tell me how you two left things. I want to know.”
“We left them. That was it. He said some very sweet things and talked about how much this summer meant. But he didn’t ask me how I felt about it or him. I didn’t sense any interest in finding out.”
She thinks about it for a minute, processing my take. “Do you think he was afraid to hear what you would say? Like if he was feeling it but you weren’t?”
“He wasn’t feeling it.”
“I don’t know, Layla. You don’t see what I do.”
“What do you see?”
She sits up and crosses her legs. “I see a man who lights up around you. A guy who consistently likes being alone with you more than he likes being around anyone else. And I see that thing men do when they are in love. They become better versions of themselves. That’s what I see.”
I let her words settle in my mind. Is it just a sister’s positive take on things? She wants what I want, so she might be spinning the story my way. Just as an act of sisterly love. It’s a heartache either way.
That was where I started three days ago. Broken. Depressed. Lonely for him. Today, I am adding pissed. At myself for not saying what I felt when I had the chance. Even though it would have led to the same place. Him there me here. At least I would have known what it feels like to sayI love youand feel no doubts. With Ken, we were too young to understand the depth of the word.
The sound of the front door being unlocked reaches me in the kitchen.
“We’re home!” Tyler’s voice calls.
The footsteps approach.
“Mom, Aargon, and Teddy invited us to go bowling tonight. You up for it?”
That’s kids for you. Not always a greeting. They just go right into the meat of a conversation.
“No. You guys go. I’ll be fine here.”
“You never turn down a chance to bowl.”
The look on his face is an adult’s expression. Like he knows exactly what’s going on in my head, but he will let me speak it first. If he stares long enough, I will spill my guts. They are beginning to look at me more as an adult, not just mother. Children become adults with the insights you hope you taught them. Here we are.
“What’s that look for?” Am I selling confusion when I am crystal clear?
David walks in and drops his stuff on the counter.
“Tyler, get me a water,” he says. “Hi, Mom.”
“So, you’re going bowling with Sam and Teddy?”
“Yeah.”
Tyler opens the refrigerator and gets a water.
“Yeet it!” David says, raising his hands for the catch.
