Page 25 of Until Landon
The last few weeks the calls that came were not flirty. Not once did he try to start with the sexy talk. They were more about the tangled story of how to set up caring for his father. There has been no masking the grumble. It almost defines him. Even though it isn’t directed at me, I hear it clearly.
Both men are struggling to adapt to the accident’s consequences. The father has never relied on help and the son has to come up with a plan that takes in man, beasts, both jobs, and two homes four hours apart.
No doubt there are lots of moving parts. Can it be as bad as he makes it sound? Ronnie can’t be that much of a bulldog. He is the guy that always stays caftan cool. He’s such a sweetheart whenever he comes to the clinic. Why would Landon exaggerate though? Could be he is simply telling the unvarnished truth? I don’t know either man enough to make a guess.
I have been on the other side of the equation, being cared for by a loved one. I get it. But when you don’t appreciate your caretaker, you are being a shortsighted ass. You are not the only one having to do something you never imagined. You are both out of the comfort zone.
I think of Maxen and how much he sacrificed to make sure I was cared for properly after my car accident. How he watched over Hunter. Love for the person who needs your back and legs and arms is the only way it works. He rose to the occasion because of how strong our bond is. The experience made better versions of each of us. Like what happens when you become a parent. The sacrifices mold you.
Enough. I’ll think about it later. I turn up the volume and get lost in Luke Bryant and the cloudless day.
Once home, I get in my sweats and for the next few hours, fill the time cleaning out my bedroom closet. Then make Hunter’s favorite roast and potatoes. It’s five now. Don’t know if he will be home tonight, but at least he will have it over the next few days.
Return from college has made a hotel of our house. Who is this guy? He checks in at random times on random days. Mostly he is gone, spending the days and nights with friends. Bing’s on break too, and they have maintained the tight friendship. There are few rules now, and mostly they are for me. This is my new normal.
By nine o’clock I drag my tired ass into the inner sanctum. My bed has become cocoon and confessional.
Tonight the low light and small fragrant candle burning on the bedside table put me in the mood for reflection. I have become an expert at analyzing myself.
Slipping between the sheets, the honest retelling begins. Two and a half weeks isn’t much time. But it has been enough to dissect my life. I needed a deep dive into who I am, what I want, and if I am actively shaping it in the image. Hunter would find this new aim ironic. I’m motheringmyselfnow.
With Ronnie in rehab, Landon’s trip back to his home allowed me to sit quietly with myself. An advantage after we sparked that night. The flint and the rock. Things would probably have gone too quickly, ending up in bed before I ever considered there was more to be had. It would have happened. I am that sex-starved. And he is a sexy man.
That night at Pure Thai something happened. I felt seen. It was a grown-up conversation between a man and a woman. More meaningful to me than any romantic gesture or physical thrill. It was not just sexual fire flowing between us. The big story was the realization whatever he is made of connects with who I am. He said he wasn’t romantic, then did a beautifully romantic thing. He talked much more than I thought he would. When I think of the first phone call, he seems like another guy. I talked candidly about my child and my feelings. Grandfather’s old saying comes to mind.Together we make good soup.
The phone calls have soothed two beasts. Even though he is bitching about how many balls he’s juggling, and I am venting about my half-hearted job search, every minute has been enjoyable. It isn’t like we are telling gilded versions of our life stories either. We jumped past that into thelet me tell you what my day was likeplace. It feels real and vulnerable.
Landon is more open than expected. When he growls, I hear worry. The one thing that is clear, he left town, family, and friends to have another life. Maybe he is a loner who doesn’t want to be involved with regular family dramas. And that isn’t something to conveniently ignore because I like the look and sound of the man. I am a family person.
A few times I heard sleep in Landon’s voice as we talked late into the night. Most times I was thinking about how he must have looked laying in bed. Wonder if he thinks of me that way. Right at the first, he asked to see me as soon as he returns. Love that. Between the bar and taking care of Ronnie, we couldn’t figure out exactly when it would happen. Yesterday, I said I would bring a nice lunch one day for the three of us, and we could just talk and relax.
“Or you and I could get lost on the property,” he said, not laughing.
The most interesting thing he said was that the weeks back in Memphis had not been as he thought they would be. It made us both chuckle when he blurted it was because our time together ruined him for bullshit conversations and annoying people. I don’t think he had much patience for those to begin with. He called it the best first date. I still have not gotten past those last two words. He wants more.
At the very least, one hour of stimulating conversation at the restaurant, and a two martini buzz kicked off a friendship that has promise. I like him. That could work if all else fails. When my phone stays silent, I shut off the light and reach for sleep.
I am in mid tiptoe over the wet kitchen floor, when he calls.
“Morning!”
He opens with the Ronnie Report.
“I may break whatever intact bones he has left. You’ll cover for me right?”
Laughing would not be good. But I want to.
“Well hello to you too,” I say, making a point.
“Sorry. Yeah, that wasn’t good. Hello, Kim. How’s your day going?”
“It’s a beautiful day.”
“You don’t want to hear about mine.”
“Is everyone settled?”
“Is it weird to be talking to you about this so much? I wish we were back across a table. I could tell you I like how you look. That would be more interesting than giving you a list of the many ways my father is fucking with me.”
