Page 111 of The Leaves In Autumn
I sit with the comment. Amused by her wit. That’s a given.
“I haven’t forgotten anything.”
The mood changes. I feel it move to a more serious place. The one where we really live.
“I would have been so sad if we missed this night together,” she says.
My hand finds hers.
“Me too. It’s the last of the beginning.”
She takes it in and nods.
“Yes. The first chapters of our friendship. They were great, weren’t they?”
She used the F word. Makes sense. It is what we have been saying the entire time. But I know better now. Guess she doesn’t. Okay, that’s how it is. Deal with the reality. You will be in bed together soon. It will all look better. If just for the night.
* * *
This is strange. Our clothes are being shed, but the mood in the bedroom is something stronger than desire. Barbra is acting differently. The joy that she leads with is missing. Like a spirit suddenly evaporating just as your hand touches it.
There is a distance between us that has never shown itself before. It feels false. Maybe she is trying to cut ties now, before it gets much further. To pull away just enough to make it clear this is the choice she is making. The conscious choosing.
I would look away if it was an option. You can’t avoid what is everywhere. What a fucked-up way to spend our last night. This will be in our minds now. Why the fuck did I think I could pull off the cavalier bit? Stupid.
She looks like I feel.
“Oh, it’s a little cold,” she says, sliding under the covers.
“I got you.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I slip in next to her.
My arms take her in, and we settle against the other, legs entwining.
“Better?”
There is a pause before she speaks.
“Yes.”
This is not going to fly. I take her face in my hands and kiss her as meaningfully as I know how. And again. The body language. It’s changed. I don’t feel the release. She kind of melts into me usually. Not tonight. And her hands. They stay wrapped around my back. A man knows when a woman is not present.
I keep trying to change things. But the more I try, the softer my dick gets. Shit! Stop thinking about it, dude. That didn’t help. I go straight to the golden ticket. Her sweet pussy. She jumps a little.I’m as surprised as you.
Barbra’s hand wraps around my nearly dead dick. I look away from her face, because shit, I don’t want to see it in her eyes. I have to cut my losses. I stop and sit back against the headboard. There’s a faint look of relief in her eyes.
“Thank God.”
Guess it was more than faint. Momentarily, it smarts. Until my ego is saved.
“I couldn’t have an orgasm tonight if you paid me.”
I get it.
“It wasn’t happening for me either. As evidenced by my flaccid penis.”
The chuckle coming from her, and the one from me, lets go of the mood. Something north of normal is where we land.
