Page 20 of Southern Comfort
“What the hell is that?”
“The proper name for the rose pruning tool. Leave it to your mother to know the correct name.”
I soften. Never heard him say the word before. He holds on to whatever is left. Standing in front of the couch, I show him what I put together.
“I’ll save roses for date two. What do you think? Do I look like I put in enough effort, but not like I’m trying too hard?”
His puzzled smirk and knitted eyebrows are something that have appeared with frequency since I was a kid. Every time he thinks I say something stupid it shows up.
“Why in the hell would you want her to think you’re hardly trying? That isn’t going to get you anywhere.”
“I haven’t had any trouble getting anywhere in the past.”
“That’s because your aim was lower. Kim is another kind of chick. You’d realize it if you were paying attention. Listen to your old man.”
I’m listening. The man was able to sustain a forty-year relationship with a woman that could have had her pick. He is encouraged when I do not contradict the idea.
“You have tohearwhat she talks about. She’s a reader and you suggested a book. You should bring it to her. It’s up there.”
He points behind his head at the hundreds of books.
“I don’t have time to go searching for a book. I’ll look for it tomorrow. Okay, I’m outta here.”
“Hey, I’ll make myself scarce later. Just in case you two want to hook up. The dogs will be in my room. But consider this son, you could blow the whole thing by moving too fast.” He takes a few beats between thoughts. “Or,it could be totally awesome. Best sex of your life. Make certain you read the signals right.”
“Night, Dad. And thanks for the tutorial.”
I’m chuckling as I walk out the door. He sends one more unnecessary suggestion.
“Make sure to kiss her!”
An hour later and two martinis in, I am considering my father’s final note. Actually, it is all I can think about. Surreptitiously, I watch Kim’s mouth as she talks. She laughs, and it sounds like a friggin Disney princess. Fuck.I’m an idiot.It is hard to ignore the obvious though.
The low light of Pure Thai creates a vision. She could not be more appealing.And God created womancome to life. Like the white dress. Mostly I am slightly obsessed with how the skirt part moved over her ass when she walked ahead of me. It is short and there’s sexy red heels. The combo men are drawn to, draws me.
Nails and toes are painted to match the shoes. Pretty little feet. Whatever. It all looks good.
The boobs. I’m a big fan. No matter how much I would love to give a deep dive review, it would seal my pervert status. I don’t want her to think of me that way. Not yet. Think the insult becomes an attribute when a man is a deviant whore for one particular woman. We are not there.
Sometimes a man has to bide his time. Dad’s words replay in my mind. What I got at her house tonight, was a second or two of preview. She leaned over to pick up a dropped cell phone and a little bit of the shape of heaven was revealed.
George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” plays in my mind and accompanies the memory of her beautiful breasts. But my aim has nothing to do with a god. I have substituted wanting to see The Almighty for really wanting to see her naked. I’m hoping a horny man God listens.
The server approaches and interrupts the dream.
“Are you ready to order? Would you like to hear the specials?”
“I think we know what we want. Kim?”
“Yes. I’m going to have the grilled Bangkok shrimp, with the jasmine rice.”
“I’d like the same, except I’ll have it with the sticky rice.”
“Of course. Any appetizers or another cocktail?”
“Let’s have some crispy garden rolls.”
I nod to her martini.
