Page 120 of From Ice to Grace
It’ll take a piece of my heart, but I’ll try my absolute best to move on.
“Right,” he says. “This is to help me get my hockey career back on track. To fix my reputation and keep my spot on the team.”
My heart sinks, but I nod and add, “And so I can stay in the country and find a new job.”
“Exactly,” he says, skating closer again and leaning in. “We had rules.”
“Yes, we did,” I say, lifting my chin to meet his gaze and holding it. “We drew up a contract, stipulating every single rule.”
Without breaking his gaze, I lift a piece of paper from my back pocket. The one holding the makeshift contract we wrote that night in my kitchen on a page torn from my family cookbook.
“I’ve been going over this since last night,” I admit. “Trying to find the mistakes we made, to figure out why we are struggling with this. I can’t find the loopholes—we had clear cut boundaries and expectations.”
He grabs the paper from my fingers and rips it to pieces, tossing it to the ice.
“The mistake we made” he says quietly, “was writing that thing in the first place.”
His words cut deep, and for a moment I can’t breathe. He wishes we never even stepped into this.
“Avah.” The way he says my name, filled with desperation and emotion, pulls me back from thinking the worst. “I’m here because I want to make this real.”
The stick in my hand clatters to the ice. We’ve been dancing around our attraction, each one taking a step closer without admitting anything. But last night when he said we didn’t owe each other anything…I expected him to put a permanent end to us.
“Real as in…” I ask cautiously, needing to make sure I understand him.
His dark gaze bores into mine. “No agreement. Just us.”
I search his eyes, not fully allowing myself to believe him. “But we’re married,” I say.
“And I want to stay married to you.” He slips his hands around my waist. “I want to live with you. I want to come home to you. I want to talk to you. I want to watch you make dinner. I want to fight with you.”
“Declan—” I look down, shaking my head. His words are burrowing into my heart and if he doesn't stop, they’ll find a permanent place to stay.
“Listen,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “Right now, I’m not what you deserve, not even close. I might never be the man you need, but what I’m trying to say is that I’d like the chance to try.”
I swallow back tears, unsure if I’m able to look him in the eye. If I do, I’ll crumble.
“I want to stay married to you, Snowflake,” he says, his hands against my waist as he pulls me closer. “Whether Boqvist is here or gone, whether I wear a Rangers jersey or get asked to pack my bags…I don’t care. All I care about is that things are looking up for the first time in a long time, and it all happened the moment you decided to walk into my life.”
I shake my head, resting my forehead against his chest. “I’m not your Savior, Declan.”
“I know that,” he says. “But being with you allowed me to be in a spot where I could actually meet Him. And that’s not nothing to me.”
His words have me finally looking up, finding truth in his eyes.
“I get I still have a long way to go here, Avah, I’m not an idiot. But I found purpose, I found Him and I know He’s got a plan for me and that He’ll continue to work on me until He’s done.”
“Philippians,” I mumble, unable to believe those words are coming from his mouth. “That’s a verse from Philippians.”
He nods. “I spent most of the night reading through the new testament. Some things were familiar, some things were new, but it all had meaning for the first time in my life.”
I search his gaze, my heart leaping in my chest. Declan found a way to God. That’s the most important thing.
“I’m so happy for you, Declan. Truly,” I say, meaning it from the bottom of my heart.
His gaze dips to my mouth, he leans down slightly, waiting for me to meet him.
I want to.
