Page 15 of From Ice to Grace
I’ll take his words and I’ll think about it. That’s the least I can do. But I’m not about to stand here and admit to him that I’m struggling. My ego won’t allow me to.
“Yes, please do,” he says with a smile in his voice. I look up to see him giving me an encouraging smile. “You stink.”
I get up and slap my hands on his desk. “Good talk, Coach.”
As I reach the door, I take a deep breath. I step into the hallway to head to the locker room. After a shower, I’m sure I’ll be in the right headspace to figure out what’s going on with me. I’m not going to play without aggression. But maybe I can work on reigning it in…a little.
I don’t make a habit of being out of control or impulsive. Everything is always within bounds. Mostly. I’m an aggressive player and that’s why they like me, why I’m part of the best defense on this team. But with aggression comes certain risks. If I overdo it, I could get in trouble.
As for the alcohol. That was a slip I don’t want to repeat.
The smell that’s currently sticking to me reminds me too much of my dad. Of walking into the house after school with that stench hanging in the air. There were too many times I just closed the door back up before disappearing for the rest of the day.
I vowed I would never be like that.
You’re just like him. Blood means something.
The thought hits and nausea fills my stomach again.
Luckily that bottle of bourbon was the last of it.
I’ll be fine. I just need to get my head back on straight. I need things to go back to the way they were.
My phone vibrates with a text from Brady…I should’ve known.
Really? Drunk at practice?
There’s one video, I’m trying to crush it before it does more damage than it already has. Two of your sponsors are already calling me. I’m working with Jen on this.
Instead of texting him back, I head to the locker room to grab my stuff.
First I have to fix things with my teammates. Things have been a bit weird between us ever since Lucas married Hannah. I know most of that is on me. I’m irritated that he changed the dynamic and that it’s spilling over into my life. But he was my teammate first, and that’s what he’ll continue to be.
The team comes first. Hockey is more important than the rest of it.
Opening the door to the locker room, Lucas is sitting in front of my cubby, waiting for me. He gets up, a concerned look on his face.
“What did Coach say?” he asks. “Everything alright?”
I force a laugh. “He just wanted to get the number to a good pizza place. Nothing serious.”
Lucas nods, a knowing look on his face. He picks up his duffle and slings it across his shoulder.
“Hey, you’re coming over later right?” Lucas asks, as he reaches the door. “Hannah’s getting a few steaks ready for the grill.”
The look on his face is full of concern and I swallow down the flash of irritation flaring up inside of me. My teammates aren’t my keepers, they’re not my parents and they sure as hell should get off their high horses. They’re not as perfect as they’d like to think.
I swallow, knowing that there’s no out. It’s either this, grill a few steaks and smooth things over…or go back to my place. Definitely alone, since Lindgren will be grilling with the guys.
I could always call Melissa?
The prospect of seeing her isn’t as exciting as it should be.
“Sure thing,” I toss over my shoulder. “See you later.”
4
AVAH
