Page 16 of From Ice to Grace
It feels like I’ve hit a new low.
The landlord didn’t even blink when I told him I’d be leaving in two weeks. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise…but still it kind of stung.
It’s just more evidence of how I’ve isolated myself over the past year. For the first two months I stayed with EJ. But his constant hovering was too much and as soon as I could, I took Vivienne up on the offer of company housing. I moved into my own apartment under the guise of not wanting to rely on him too much…although hindsight gives you clarity.
I used that as an excuse to distance myself from my brother too.
And I used my brother and his hockey career to distance myself from the people at my job, and apparently in my building. Their invitations to drinks, dinner, and even pilates was always met with excuses of me having to attend a hockey game or NHL event.
Meeting Hannah a few months ago was my saving grace. She’s the only real friend I have in New York, the only person I’ve felt really comfortable talking to in a very long time.
The apartment I’ve been living in for the past ten months suddenly feels empty or hollow somehow. The fact that I have very bad parking and a slightly annoying older neighbor is now somehow something I’ll miss in two weeks when I have to move out. I’ll need to start packing as soon as possible…I just don’t know where I’ll go just yet.
The loud vibration of my phone ringing on the counter draws my attention.
“Get your stuff, I’m waiting for you downstairs,” EJ’s voice comes over the phone.
“What?” I ask, walking toward the window and looking down. Sure as day, there’s EJ leaning against his very old car, phone to his ear and looking up at the window.
“We didn’t have plans, right?”
“No,” he says. “But Lucas just called and invited us for a grill tonight.”
I groan. It’s not that I don’t like hanging out with Hannah and her new husband. It’s that I will now have to fast track my sulking because there’s no way I’m not going to tell her what happened. She’s been exactly what I needed here in New York, and sometimes I’m even upset that Lucas didn’t marry her earlier. Perhaps if she’d been here from the very start, my year would have looked a lot different.
“Come on, you love spending time with Hannah,” he adds, although I’ve already made up my mind. “And this way we get dinner and we don’t have to argue about where to eat.”
“Fine,” I say, heading to my room to freshen up. “Meet you in a few.”
After getting ready, I thank God that my brother chose today to wait for me outside. Otherwise he’d have seen the moving boxes, forcing me to tell him the truth. I make my way downstairs but not without giving his car another look of disapproval.
“I still don’t get why you’re driving something as ancient as this. It’s not even a color anymore,” I say, getting into the passenger seat and waiting for him to get in.
“What do you mean?” he asks, before putting the car in gear and pulling into traffic. “What color do you want it to be?”
I shrug. “Any color. It’s just…off right now. What is it? Washout blue, or very sad gray? It’s ridiculous.”
EJ chuckles, shaking his head. “It’s glacier blue. And there’s nothing ridiculous about this, lillasyster. This is the epitome of class.”
I huff, looking at the outdated center console that’s missing the screen and bluetooth music player.
“Class without music?” I ask, smacking the dash, pretending to look for a button to a radio of sorts. The buttons are big, the vents small and the car is so low, it feels like I’m sitting on the road.
I shouldn’t have said anything about music, because EJ fumbles on the dash and I groan again as I watch him slip the tape cassette into the old radio. Def Leppard starts to play over the speakers.
“You really are an idiot, you know that?”
“I love you too,” he says and I can’t help but smile. EJ might have very different tastes than I do, but I love my big brother more than life itself. He’s always been there for me, in more ways than I can ever repay, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
And now, I’m going to have to go back to Sweden. Which means I’ll see him maybe once a year. It’s not very often that the NHL play in Sweden. Maybe a few exhibition games, or if he gets chosen, the Four Nations tournament. But other than that, his hockey schedule doesn’t allow many visits. And with my visa expiring…I’m not sure when I’ll be able to see him again.
EJ looks over, and I try to wipe the expression off my face the moment his eyebrow twitches with suspicion.
“What’s up, Aves?” he asks, his blue eyes inspecting me too much for someone who should be watching the road. “Something’s eating you.”
Darn.
He’s known me my whole life, so there’s no hiding from him. But I’m going to at least try until I’m ready to share with him.
