Page 80 of From Ice to Grace
The clerk turns to Declan first. “Do you, Declan Dawson Murphy, take Avah Linnea Johansson to be your lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”
Declan’s expression turns serious, he grips my hand tightly when he says, “I do.”
Does he mean it? Or at least some of it? Do I mean it?
The clerk turns to me, repeating the vows. It’s not lost on me that this is as transactional as a marriage can get. There’s no mention of love. It’s not what I had hoped my marriage would be…and I know it’s not exactly what God designed it to be.
But I also know that marriage isn’t just based on love. It’s service, it’s sacrifice, it’s mutual respect and understanding.
And if that’s the only part of marriage I agree to, then so be it.
“I do,” I say, and relief flashes in Declan’s dark eyes.
“Do you want to exchange rings?” the clerk asks. She’s not even looking up at us, but I shake my head anyway.
Declan sticks his hand in his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. “I got you one,” he says, taking the ring out of the box and gently slipping it on my left finger before I can even react.
I take a moment to look at the ring nestled on my ring finger. A thin, delicate platinum band. In the middle there's a big diamond, surrounded by smaller diamonds in the shape of a snowflake.
My heart swells. How is this ring so right? It’s completely unexpected and somehow perfect—it’s unique to me, to our situation, to our relationship.
“It’s perfect,” I breathe, meaning it.
He grins, the dimple in his cheek making an appearance and my heart fumbles.
“By the authority vested in me by the laws of the State of New York, I now pronounce you married.”
It’s done. We’re married.
“You may kiss her,” the clerk deadpans as her pen scratches across the papers in definitive strokes followed by a loud thack of a stamp.
I forgot about this part.
“We didn’t think this through,” I whisper, slight panic moving through me. I’m not someone who goes around casually kissing guys. I’ve only ever kissed Axel. And the little boy down the street, but that doesn’t count because we were five.
“Well, it’s a bit late for that now,” he says, stepping closer. “This kiss is basically just sealing the deal, Snowflake. Besides we agreed there would be kissing when the moment calls for it.”
Declan slips his hand around my waist, pulling me closer. His scent envelopes me and I know there’s no turning back.
“Just know, I’m going to hate it,” I say, my eyes dipping to his mouth, betraying me.
His fingers tip my chin upward, and then his lips press against mine. I meant for this to be a quick, chaste kiss…one that satisfies the clerk. But the moment our lips touch, it’s like I freeze.
I can’t move…at least not in the way I want to. I want to move away, lean back, end it now. But that’s not what’s happening. The kiss feels…natural. Not forced at all.
So instead of pulling away, my body leans in without fully consulting me. His arms tighten around me, pulling me closer. The soft brush of our lips together, spark something inside of me and my arms move around his neck instinctively.
And then just as quickly as it started, Declan pulls back. His throat works as he clears it, leaving me with the lingering heat of his hands at my waist and the sting of wanting something I didn’t know I wanted.
“That was…” I say, swallowing and slowly letting my arms down from where they were flung around his neck. “The worst kiss ever.”
He frowns, his golden flecked eyes searching mine. “Right back at you.”
We step apart, heat flooding my cheeks as I tuck my hair behind my ear and look at anything but my new husband—or my brother.
“Now we just need your signatures, and then it’s all settled,” the woman says, shoving the papers toward the edge of the desk and holding the pen out toward us.
Declan and I share a glance as we both sign our names on the paper in front of us. For some reason, marrying Declan doesn’t bring the stab of guilt I expected. Instead it’s like resolute silence. Perhaps even peace. Maybe it’s because it feels safer this way…there are rules, boundaries, clarity. It eliminates the possibility of heartache and pain.
