Page 99 of From Ice to Grace
His gaze flicks to mine, dark and guarded. “I need you to not pity me.”
The word ‘pity’ twists in my stomach. I know what that feels like, to be pitied for what you had to go through. EJ took pity on me, not because he meant too, but because he saw me as someone who couldn’t help herself, who couldn’t overcome. But pity doesn’t help anybody, it cages you in. And I don’t want that for Declan.
“I don’t pity you,” I tell him honestly. “There was a time I did. But now, I’ve come to know you better. And I could never pity you.”
He looks away, relief and confusion twisting on his features. “Tomorrow I’m going to be back on the ice. This past week with you…” he trails off, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t want things to go back to the way they were before.”
Back to when I gave him a hard time about the choices he made in life.
“It won’t,” I say. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think things will ever be like they were before.”
He pulls me closer, his fingers tracing lazy circles on my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“That’s good.”
We sit and watch the Tampa Bay game, in comfortable silence, save for the one time the goalie made an almost inhuman save. I’m aware that soon we’ll have to get up, get dinner and then go our separate ways for the night. But I’ve never felt more comfortable, more safe and content than I do now.
“What do you need tonight, Snowflake?” he asks, his voice soft against my hair.
I nestle against his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm. “Just a little bit more of this,” I say with a sigh.
“Done,” he says, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and tucking it over my legs.
Somewhere between the second and third period of the game, my eyes grow heavy and the noise from the game fades into the background. I’m not sure what tomorrow will be like, but as I’m drifting off, I send a prayer to my Father in Heaven, asking Him to hold both of us no matter what tomorrow might bring.
21
DECLAN
“You feeling good there, Murphy?” Coach says, watching me carefully as I take the ice. I’ve only been suspended for eight games, two weeks, but it may as well have been an entire year—ask any hockey player.
“Missed you too, Coach,” I say, tossing him my usual smile before skating into position. “It’s like I never left.”
Coach nods and smiles as he gets back to his clipboard. Lindgren gets on the ice skating past me, smacking my stick with his own as he starts warm-ups. Nikolai Petrov grunts in my direction before getting in the crease.
It’s good to be back.
“Good to have you back, Dec,” Lucas says, skating closer. “It just wasn’t the same without you. At least you got a mini-honeymoon with your wife. I definitely didn’t have that,” he says, bumping his shoulder into mine.
“You couldn’t even find your wife that first week after you got married.” I chuckle, remembering the way Lucas almost cost us the playoffs because he decided to get married in Vegas and then Hannah ran away the next morning.
Lucas shakes his head, shoving me. “Keep it clean, yeah?” he says, looking over to where the PTO, Axel Boqvist, is warming up with Mitch, our Captain and my d-partner.
I may or may not have done some digging on the guy, and his game is solid. He’s been playing with the SHL for the past five years and went to the Olympics last year.
He tugs on his gloves, leaning in while gesturing across the ice before Mitch laughs at some joke he obviously just told.
I jerk my head in their direction. “Has he been sucking up to everyone?” I ask Lucas, wondering how hard he’s been gunning for my position. If he’s from the SHL, he’ll obviously want this spot. More competitive, more exposure…just better all around. Not to mention that Avah is here in New York. If he was a smart guy, he’d do everything in his power to get her back.
But he messed it up in the first place, so he’s either an idiot or he didn’t love her.
He must be an idiot.
“I don’t know if I’d call it sucking up,” Lucas says with a laugh, “but he’s had no issues fitting in. The guys in the locker room seem to like him just fine. You should see him on the ice with EJ... Having a winger and a defenseman in sync like that, it gives us an edge.”
His words curdle in my stomach. I know there’s room on any NHL team for more than two defensemen. Realistically it would mean a lot for the Rangers to have me and this guy…especially if he’s as good as Lucas says. The deeper the bench, the better for the team. But right now I’m not a big enough man to get over the fact that I want to punch him in the face.
We skate around the rink before EJ joins in next to us, both of us look at Axel as we skate past him.
