Page 105 of From Ice to Grace
I didn’t think I wanted more from Declan, not now anyway, not when everything is still new and uncertain. But who am I to question why I’m falling for him.
Because that is what’s been happening.
In a matter of a week and a half, I’ve fallen for Declan Murphy…hard and fast and in such an undeniable way.
A voice behind me slices through the quiet hallway.
“I was wondering when you’d realize you couldn’t ignore me forever.”
Every cell in my body freezes. It’s the same voice I once loved, the one I longed to hear after a long day. And now it’s a voice I wish I never have to hear again.
Father God, I need You.
I take a deep breath before turning around. In front of me is the man I would’ve married, walking toward me with his duffle slung across his shoulder.
He looks different than when I last saw him. His jaw is no longer clean shaven, instead he’s grown out his beard slightly. It definitely takes away the sharp edge of his face. And of course he’s no longer dressed in yellow and navy, instead he’s wearing a Ranger sweatshirt.
Like he’s here to stay,
“I wasn’t ignoring you, Axel,” I say, lifting my chin, surprised that my voice comes out way more stable than in my head. “I simply moved on with my life. Just like you did.”
He cocks his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Who said I moved on?”
His words strike me in the chest. If he thinks I’m going to believe that he’s here for me, he’s got another thing coming. He had a whole year to come after me and he didn’t.
“You didn’t really have to use your words,” I say, matching his tone. “From where I was standing, the engagement was pretty much up in flames.”
Something flickers in his expression, something akin to guilt before he buries it again. He looks down, adjusting the strap of his duffle over his shoulder.
“About that,” he says, taking a step in my direction and I instinctively take a step back. “You never really gave me a chance to explain, or to apologize even. You just left.”
The embers of the anger and rejection I’ve been trying to bury inside of me for a whole year threaten to ignite. I try my best not to react to it, to keep my face neutral, but it’s hard. He’s right here. After a whole year of me hiding and feeling like I wasn’t good enough…he’s finally in front of me.
And he’s got the gall to sound wounded, like I owe him an explanation for leaving without a word.
The only thing I feel like I owe him is to make him feel even a fraction of what I felt that night.
“Gumman,” he says, the term of endearment carrying more than seven years of familiarity, years of history. “Please give me a chance to explain.”
I shake my head, partly because I don’t want to hear it and partly because I want to crush the thoughts and memories he’s stirring up by using that name, by standing here in front of me.
“You hurt me, Axel,” I say simply. “I’m not sure what your reasons were and honestly I don’t think I care one way or another.”
He nods, his gaze fixed on me, and for a second there’s a flicker of something in his eyes. Maybe curiosity, or guilt.
Then he asks, almost casually, “Is that why you married him? Because you don’t feel anything for me?”
His question hits me like a slap. My eyes widen and I don’t miss the look of slight satisfaction on his face, like he just got confirmation that he still matters in some way…that I still care.
“The decisions I make are no longer any of your business,” I say, my voice surprisingly firm. “You forfeited the right to know why I do anything the moment you pressed that woman against the wall.”
I look away, unable to believe those words are even leaving my mouth. My decision to marry Declan may have been influenced by him. But now…Axel doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on between me and Declan.
“Why are you here?” I ask. “You weren’t happy with me, you didn’t want me. So why are you here, insisting on knowing why I married someone else?”
His expression softens once again. “I made a mistake, Avah. You know me…” he trails off taking another step in my direction. “You’ve always known me. I’m not the type of man to mess around with other women?—”
“Are you telling me the guy in the locker room, the guy I saw with another woman…” I trail off, the image once again flashing before my eyes, tears burning behind my eyes. “Are you seriously standing there and telling me that wasn’t you?”
