Page 122 of From Ice to Grace
I look out the window toward the front door.
Behind that door, I’m going to find my Aunt Kat…and my dad too. He’s been sober for nine months now. It is the longest streak he’s ever managed. He wants to make amends.
As much as I’m wrestling with it, I know I have to allow him to do so. It’s important for his journey, for his healing…and ultimately that’s what I want.
It’s just hard. It’s hard to let go of anger.
“You need a minute?” Avah leans toward me, her blue eyes filled with concern. “Do you want to pray before going in?” she asks, her voice soft and cautious.
Us praying together is new. When we first gave our relationship to God, we each had our own walk with Him. We needed to grow with Him in our own individual ways. But when we found out Avah was pregnant, it was like He called us to something new, something more…something shared.
We’ve been praying together and it’s brought us closer in ways I never thought possible.
I nod, leaning closer as she rests her forehead against mine, and we hold hands.
“Father, we’ve seen Your healing before,” I say, breathing out. “The power of Your light and Your presence, we’ve seen it. Please be with us in there. Help us to build and not break down. Help us to heal and not cause further harm. And if it’s Your will, let us walk out of there with the possibility of a future that looks different. We trust in You, Father. Amen.”
“Amen,” Avah whispers with me.
We open our eyes and a small smile tugs on her mouth. I lean in and brush her lips with mine.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
We get out and walk toward the familiar door together. I take a deep breath as I knock, Avah's hand in mine comforting and grounding.
“Finally!” Aunt Kat says, opening the door and hugging Avah first. She leans back, her eyes widening as she takes in my wife. “That baby is growing, dear. I can’t wait to meet her. I made her something special plus I saw the cutest clothes the other day...” She says, hugging me too before gesturing us into the apartment. “I may have gone a little overboard. But I’m sure you’ll love it.”
“That little girl is already spoiled and she’s not even born yet.”
I smile, thinking about how my daughter hasn’t even made her appearance and already everyone has given more gifts, clothes, and stuffed animals than we know what to do with. She’ll have to get the biggest room in the house.
“It’s the way of the world, Sweetheart,” Aunt Kat says with a loving smile. “Now, come in and sit down, I’ll make us some tea.”
She gestures toward the living room.
My dad suddenly stands as we get up, rubbing his hands on his pants, nervously.
“Dec,” he says. “Good to see you, my boy.”
I nod, the words caught in my throat as I look at the man who’s missed so much of my life. I know this is my father…but it feels it’s true in name only. For all intents and purposes he’s basically a stranger and it’s difficult to figure out if that makes me owe him something.
“This is Avah,” I finally manage. “My wife.”
Avah reaches for his hand, greeting him with a genuine smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she says, her voice filled with warmth.
In that moment my heart swells, looking at the woman beside me. She’s been a light in my life. God knew I needed her by my side. She’s my daily reminder that God provides for us even in dark times.
“Kat says you’re expecting a little girl,” he says with a smile that reaches his eyes.
I’ve never seen him smile like that before. Like he’s lighter somehow, happier.
“Yes,” I manage. “We’re excited to meet her in a few weeks.”
My dad looks like he’s about to say something when he drops his gaze to the floor. He gestures for us to take a seat and we do. I look over to the doorway wondering where Aunt Kat disappeared to. She’s probably giving us time to talk and right now I don’t know if I’m angry about it or grateful.
“I know we haven’t seen each other in a long time,” he starts, wiping his hands on his pants again. “Or really spoken for that matter.”
The words ‘that’s not really my fault’ hovers on the tip of my tongue, but something holds me back.
