Page 28 of From Ice to Grace
All of it…my entire life…has just somehow snowballed into one loud psycho circus musical that’s playing on repeat inside my mind. Going around in circles…all of it a sick game of give and take.
And the music just keeps getting louder and louder.
So far, the only thing that silences it for a bit is bourbon, or scotch, or anything alcoholic.
A woman helps too. But not by much and not for long.
Sighing, I get in my truck to head home. If it wasn’t for Coach’s warning echoing in my mind, I’d be headed to a bar right now. But tomorrow we play the Wild, and I need to be present. And if it wasn’t for a certain Snowflake’s icy gaze, I’d be on my way to Melissa.
Shaking my head, I start the truck, not willing to dig too deep into the reasons why.
6
AVAH
I don’t have a lot of games left to watch if I don’t come up with a plan soon.
Today, I followed two leads of potential jobs with different companies, but both of them told me the same thing Vivienne did: They’re not looking to add international editors with how everything is going in the traditional publishing world.
But I’m not giving up hope. I still have some time left and I plan on using every single minute to figure out a way for me to stay in New York.
“Sooo,” Hannah says, taking a seat next to me and handing me my mocktail. “Last night’s dinner ended weirdly, right? I didn’t just imagine it?”
We’re seated in the VIP section at Madison Square Garden. They’ve reserved a permanent section for the team’s wives, girlfriends, friends, and family. It’s much more comfortable and private than having to sit in different sections during away games.
“No weirder than usual,” I say, taking a sip of the mint and lemon ice slush. “It was typical Declan fashion to make a scene.”
The words feel flat and untrue, even to my own ears. I haven’t known Declan for longer than a year, not personally anyway. I’ve always seen him as the crazy skilled defenseman from Boston and when I met him, confidence and charm was added to his persona.
I grew up with hockey, so of course I knew who he was. I watched his games when he played for the Bruins when he first got drafted. He was a first round pick, a defenseman you couldn’t ignore. Smooth, sharp, impossible to shake on the ice. He’s always been the kind of player even non-hockey fans take notice of.
But last night at dinner, he was a different person. Someone who seemed hurt, or trapped. Desperate for…something.
The intro music starts, the beat pulsing through the Garden as the team takes to the ice. I spot Declan as he skates out of the tunnel, his shoulders seem stiff, his posture tight. It’s subtle, but not to someone who’s used to watching him.
He’s off.
“You okay?” Hannah asks, bumping my arm gently. “Have you had a chance to talk to EJ yet about your visa?”
I shake my head, keeping an eye on Declan as he takes his place for the puckdrop. The buzzer sounds and the game against the Minnesota Wild starts. They have a great team this year, and a great goalie, but the Rangers have a killer first line. Add in Declan’s defense ability…they should easily win tonight.
“No, not yet,” I say, watching Declan skate backwards, meeting the Wild’s center stride for stride. He swipes his stick just in time, stopping a puck that would’ve gotten by Nikolai and proving my point.
“I’m determined to get a job in the next two weeks. I refuse to accept that I have to go back to Sweden, Hannah.” I take a sip of my mocktail, not taking my eyes off the ice. “There’s nothing left for me there.”
“Would it really be the worst thing in the world to face Axel after everything?” Hannah asks, her voice filled with careful consideration. “I mean, it’s been a year so your heart has had some time to heal. Eventually you will have to move past this, so why not start now?”
Her words sink in, but I don’t want to hear them. I know she’s speaking nothing but the truth, I’m not an idiot.
I’m just not ready.
Everytime I think about the last time I saw him…it doesn’t feel like my heart has healed. It’s still raw and real, it’s still humiliating and painful.
Keeping my eyes trained on Declan instead, I wonder what has him off tonight.
He throws his shoulder into a check that’s a fraction too late, boarding the guy harder than necessary. It’s not too reckless…but in some games it would be picked up.
Could it be the conversation around the dinner table last night?
