Page 62 of From Ice to Grace
“Call it whatever you like,” she says, her icy gaze finding mine. “That rule will not apply here.”
I give that notion real consideration. I’ve always wanted non-exclusivity, because I didn’t want the woman I was with to think we’re more than we weren’t. I didn’t want her to get attached to me or the idea of a real relationship. It’s not that I actively went out to seek out other women because I couldn’t help myself.
I’m good with self-control…commitment is the problem.
“I can live with that,” I say, holding her gaze.
“I’m serious, Declan. I can’t…” she trails off, her eyes suddenly filling with tears before she swallows them down. “Even if this is fake, there can be no cheating, no infidelity.”
I eye her carefully as she writes slowly, the pen scratching across the paper. Exclusive. No cheating. No infidelity. Her hand stills. Then she adds two words: No intimacy.
I cock my head. “Define intimacy,” I say, keeping my tone light even if the weight of the words sits heavy in the air between us.
Her cheeks flush, though her eyes stay on mine. “Exactly what you think it means, Murphy. This isn’t…that. Not now, not in two months when you’re bored. No intimacy. Period.”
I should laugh, toss out a quip, but something tells me she’s being serious. Maybe it rattles me a bit more than I’d like to admit.
I’d have to go without sex. For however long this lasts.
Without the fallback I’ve always used to numb everything else.
My first instinct is to push back, to tell her she’s asking too much…but the look in her eyes tells me exactly that this is a make or break for her.
My jaw tightens. “Fine,” I say, quieter than I mean to. “If we do this, it’s you and only you. No cheating. No infidelity. No…” My eyes dip to her lips before I can force them away. “…intimacy.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Why are you agreeing so easily?” she asks. “You realize you’re agreeing to be faithful without the benefits.”
The fact that she can say that with only a slight blush creeping across her cheeks makes me laugh.
“That’s fine,” I agree.
She lifts her hand to my forehead. “Are you sick?”
“Stop it,” I swat her hand away, only slightly annoyed by the insinuation that I can’t control myself. “I don’t appreciate you calling me weak.”
“Weak?”
“Only weak men are unfaithful.”
“That’s a bold statement…” she says, underlining the words she just wrote twice for good measure.
“Coming from me?” I finish for her. “I’m not weak, Avah. And if proving that means coffee dates, contracts, separate bedrooms and fake smiles—all without touching you—then I’ll do it.”
She doesn’t look at me, but there’s no missing the way her face softens as she keeps underlining the word intimacy, now more in her own mind than anything else.
“Just give me that,” I say, taking the pen and paper from her. “At this rate it’s going to look like we’re signing the Declaration of Independence.”
“What’s the second rule?” she asks, propping her chin on her hand.
“In the interest of really selling this, we can’t tell anyone about our agreement. To everyone on the outside of this, we’re married.”
She searches my gaze for a second. “EJ has to know.”
“You haven’t even told him about your visa and now you want to add the whole fake marriage too?”
She shifts in her seat, guilt flooding her features. “He’s my brother. I might not like him right now, but I love him. I want to be honest with him when the time is right.”
I sigh thinking it might just work in our favor. He might be more accepting of this idea if he knows it’s fake and that there’s nothing going on between me and his sister. Otherwise his hostility might just ruin this whole thing.
