Page 75 of From Ice to Grace
Also, Brady got us a private ceremony room.
His texts have my heart beating a million miles a minute. This is a very bad idea. This is not the type of thing I do. Especially since the lines feel a tiny bit blurred after our date last night. The way we held hands, his words about gaining what Axel lost…it felt true and sincere in the most unsettling kind of way.
Staring at my phone, I pull up my mom’s number. I have to call her and tell her. Yet, I have no idea what I’m going to say.
How am I going to convince my parents this marriage is a good idea especially since this relationship with Declan pretty much fell from the sky. This is not the way I usually do things and it’s not the way my family does things. My mom and dad raised me to find someone who’d be a partner in life. They want me and EJ to find people who are compatible with us, who will help us grow in all areas of life, who share the belief that there’s no giving up in a marriage…especially when times get hard.
Which just goes to show how much I’ve messed up in the first place.
Dating a man for years and then getting engaged, still didn’t equate to me finding the right partner in life. Because we didn’t grow together, we did our own thing…and Axel did other things too.
And when I found out, I didn’t bother to stay and fix it. I didn’t want to.
There’s a knock on my door, giving me the perfect excuse to not press the call button or to dive further into my own romantic shortcomings and failures.
Opening the door, a sigh of relief moves through me at the sight of my brother. Plus he’s holding two very large coffees with a bag of pastries that smell heavenly.
“I’ve never been so glad to see you in my life,” I tell him, all but pulling him into my apartment. My half-packed apartment.
“So this is why you didn’t want me in here before,” he says, gesturing to the boxes.
I shrug, taking the coffee and pastries from him. “I wasn’t ready to tell you. I needed to figure this out on my own, EJ.”
He moves to the couch and sink into it, elbows resting on his knees, his forehead wrinkling as he sighs heavily.
“I don’t like this, lillasyster,” he says, shaking his head. “I saw the pictures of your date last night…” He trails off. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
I saw them too.
I’d say we are two perfect actors who know exactly what we’re doing. Although I’m not sure that we were acting, or at least trying to act. Which makes the whole situation a bit more confusing.
“Declan’s agent thought a date would be good. You know, to get the social media trail out there before the wedding.” I take a sip of my coffee and head to the kitchen, opening the bag of pastries he brought.
“When’s that?” he asks, looking at me with caution.
“Uhm…” I rummage in the bag, pulling out a custard Danish and stuffing it in my mouth in a bid to stall. I hate that I’m doing this to him, and to my family. This would all be so much easier if I could just make my own decisions and not think about how it may impact the rest of the people in my life.
“Avah,” he presses.
“Uhmsfhtoday,” I say with my mouth full of custard and buttery pastry flakes, some of which are covering the kitchen counter.
“Try again.” EJ’s tone is sharp and insistent, in a way only an older brother’s can be.
I force the rest of the pastry down with a sip of coffee, my throat tight for reasons that have nothing to do with custard danish.
“This afternoon. At two o’clock.”
His eyes widen in shock, which only adds to my own nerves about this whole thing. The silence between us stretches, the reality of it playing out on his face.
“It’s fine, EJ,” I say, hoping I sound convincing. “We’ll go to city hall, say the vows, sign the papers, and then it’s done. You’ll be there with me, right?” I ask, my voice sounding more vulnerable than I’d like. “I need you there.”
His sigh is long as he shakes his head. There’s a pained expression on his face as he runs his fingers through his hair.
“You know when we were little,” he says, his voice softer, “Mom always asked me if I loved you?”
I frown. “No, I don’t remember that?”
Grabbing another pastry, I head over to sit next to him on the couch.
