Page 93 of From Ice to Grace
And praying.
Her words from last night won’t leave me. She said she needs a man who’ll pray with her. A man who’ll lead her and support her.
God’s never listened to me. I’ve never thought He wanted to. But maybe…maybe if it’s about her, He will.
Slipping into the back, I wipe my hands nervously on my pants. My palms are clammy, which is ridiculous. I’ve played in the playoffs in front of thousands of people, feeding off the tension in the final seconds of a final series game.
This? This is just a church.
I haven’t been to church in…more than a decade. And even then it was because my Aunt Kat dragged me there. Even now, I have no idea if I even picked the right one. I may or may not have googled the closest church. This one happened to have a mid-week service. Turns out not all churches only do their thing on Sundays.
I didn’t know people would want to come to church seven days a week.
Personally, I never understood the appeal of church. My Aunt Kat will tell anyone who’d listen that it’s God’s House. Her persistence in her faith is strange, especially when God refused to show up when we needed Him the most.
If He answered my prayers, then my family would still be together. If God heard me, my dad wouldn’t be the drunk he is today and everything would be different.
This is a mistake. I shouldn’t be here. I should know better than to think I’ll meet God in a building. He doesn’t show up between four walls with blaring electric instruments.
My gaze finds the nearest exit, although it’s blocked by a small family talking to two very old ladies. Another door then. Any door.
“Welcome,” the pastor says over the microphone, his voice warm. “I’m so happy to have each and every one of you here with us tonight. Just know that God is the reason you’re here. And that’s the best reason to sit through what I have to say to you, despite the hour.”
A small chuckle sounds around me, and I relax a little. Most of these people are coming from work or school, some in a uniform or scrubs, yet they felt the need to come and listen to a message.
After he makes a few quick announcements, he tells everyone to turn to the book of Psalms in their Bibles. I didn’t bring one along. To be honest, I’m not sure what happened to the one I had when I was younger.
I might have to buy a new one.
“Psalm 23,” the pastor says, and I roll my thumbs. “A psalm of David.”
Lindgren said he picked his number because it’s his favorite Psalm. I might not be Christian of the year, but I know Psalm 23. It’s also the number of my jersey.
Coincidence?
I didn’t pick number 23 for a Psalm. I picked it for Eddie Shore. One of the greatest defensemen in the history of the NHL. Everyone focused on Gretzky…me? I wanted to be Eddie.
“You all know that King David wasn’t without sin. He went against God, took another man’s wife and had him killed to get what he wanted. And still…he wrote this. The Bible calls him a man after God’s own heart.”
The pastor smiles, seemingly at a few people in particular. “David was a man after God’s own heart, because he always went back to God. No matter how much he messed up, how hard life got, how heavy the consequences of his actions were…he always took it back to God. And David wrote this Psalm.”
Music plays softly in the background as the pastor reads through the well-known Psalm.
I must’ve heard it a hundred times before. Everyone knows it. But this time, the words hit differently.
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…” the pastor repeats the line. “What a beautiful promise, don’t you agree?”
I look at everyone around me. A few of them are staring at the pastor, hanging onto every word. Others are cuddling toddlers, holding the hands of their husbands or wives.
“This tells me that we can be sure of one thing…” the pastor says with a reassuring smile. “We’ll have tough times, enemies will surround us. We can even be sure to go through the valley of death. People will be against us. They might even be our families, our friends…sometimes even ourselves. We’ve all gotten in our own way once or twice, right? But even in the midst of struggles, in the midst of darkness…the Lord will provide.”
I guess provision doesn’t mean that things will be perfect. It means that we’ll get what we need.
But who decides what we need?
Did I not need my dad? Or my mom?
“And he’s not talking about getting a snack or a side salad here,” the pastor continues grinning. “There’s an entire table for us. To take a seat, to rest with Him, to feast with Him. The rest that’s happening around us, can wait. Enemies will be waiting in the wings, but nothing and no-one will keep the Lord from providing for you.”
