Page 95 of From Ice to Grace
She studies me for a second, her expression softening as she gets up and reaches out toward me.
“Listen, I’m not sure you believe this…so it needs to be said. I don’t think for one second you married Declan because it allows you to stay in the country.”
I narrow my gaze at her. That’s exactly why I married him. Or exactly one of the reasons.
“What are you saying…?” I’m not sure I want to argue with her. Her believing that just makes this whole situation easier. It means I don’t have to work too hard at convincing her that this is real.
“That this came at the perfect time,” she says carefully, studying me. “In such a way that you could use this as a cover?—”
“Hannah!” I stop her line of thought, unable to let her go on.
“Are you telling me you don’t have feelings for him, Avah?” she asks, a small victorious smile spreading on her face that used to be more innocent than it is now.
“I thought you were a pastor’s daughter!” I toss at her, since it’s the only thing I have left in my arsenal. “Which means all this,” I wave at her, “is not nice.”
“I am!” she says, laughing. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re swooning for your hubby.”
“Am not.”
“Deny it all you want, my friend. I have eyes.” Her expression softens. “And I also see the way he looks at you, Avah. Maybe the two of you aren’t ready to face it yet, but there’s more than just an agreement going on here.”
Her words stick. An agreement? Maybe I should just come clean to Hannah. She knows me, she knows Declan. She knows the situation.
“Who said anything about an agreement?” I ask innocently, looking down at my hands. Declan and I agreed we wouldn’t tell anybody about our agreement. If anything it was supposed to make this whole thing less complicated. Although right now, it feels like the exact opposite.
“Right?” she says, with a teasing smile. “This is all about love.”
Love? That word feels too heavy, filled with too many expectations and pitfalls.
“This isn’t about love.” The denial is out before I can help myself.
“Maybe it didn’t start out that way,” Hannah says with a shrug. “Some things start with curiosity, maybe even a little denial with a sprinkle of desperation. But that doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something more and lasting if it’s nurtured right.”
I want her words to be true. But our agreement is for two years. That’s not lasting.
“For now, we are what each other needs,” I say simply. It’s the truth.
Hannah hums, clearly not convinced. And why would she be? Anyone with eyes can see that there is something between me and Declan. I can’t deny the pull I feel toward him, the way he makes me feel comfortable and at home while still challenging me in the best way. Still, there can’t be anything more than what we agreed on. Mutual respect, kindness and honesty. It’s what will work between us.
The silence stretches, heavy and knowing. I toy with the ring on my finger, wishing I could say everything and have it make sense. Perhaps I don’t ever have to admit anything to Hannah—she’s my best friend. She knows. I know she knows, and that’s enough too.
I swallow, searching for air. “Can I make you some coffee? Or tea?”
“That would be great,” she says, squeezing my arm before following me to the kitchen. She takes in the blender still on the counter. “Is Declan here?”
“He’s at the rink right now.” I reach for the mugs, grateful to have something to do to keep my hands busy. “He’s been going alone for the past week. Today, he’s there with Lindgren and EJ at least. He really needs to get back on the ice with the team.”
He’s been antsy all week, watching every game, glued to the media interviews. It’s been hard to watch the coach praise Axel’s try-out, and even the response from the fans. They like the way Axel is playing with the team. It gets under Declan’s skin every time he has to watch it.
“You think he’ll be able to handle it?” Hannah asks. “That the suspension did him good?”
I’ve seen him stay away from alcohol the entire time we’ve been together. He’s been nothing but patient with me, but then again, he hasn’t been on the ice. I don’t think he’s an angry person in general but on the ice everything is different. Tensions are high and opponents bait you until you bite.
“Do you know who’ll be starting tomorrow?” I ask, trying to sound casual even though my stomach is in knots. Declan has his first game back tomorrow night and it would be great for him if he could start instead of Axel.
“Lucas said they want Declan,” Hannah says, stirring her coffee. “But it’s the Coach who will obviously have the final say.”
“Has Lucas said anything about how the team has been since Axel has been playing with them?” I press, my voice lower.
