Page 138 of Tall, Royal Hater
Itwassomething. Something else. Somethingmore.
Mariyah took that chance to knock past me, but I lurched to life and captured her by the elbow on the next step up. “It was never just sex, Mariyah.”
“Then what else was it?” she demanded, but the darting panic in her gaze gave her away.
She felt it. The nameless something. She didn’t like it though, not one bit. But fuck me, I felt the biggest wave of relief ease the tightness from my shoulders and between my brows.
The only problem was, how did I explain to her what I couldn’t even explain to myself?
“Exactly,” she bit out in my silence. “Nothing. Not that I want anything anyway.”
That made me reel back. “Why not?”
She appeared taken aback for a breath but recovered just as quickly. “What do you mean ‘why not’? Because there’s so much bad blood between us, Shehryar, or have you forgotten?”
I stilled, knowing immediately what she was talking about. “No, I haven’t forgotten, but…”
“But what?”
But what? I echoed to myself.
What happened five years ago, neither of us had talked about since, but it wasn’t a“let’s just move on as if it had never happened”moment. Things had been said that neither of us could take back, and it was undoubtedly the origin story of our animosity. We might have refused to talk about it in favour of sex and other conversation, but our guns were still drawn ready behind our backs because of it.
Huffing in annoyance, Mariyah tore her arm from my grasp and charged up the stairs. I kept up pace this time, following a step behind her. Considering she didn’t tell me to fuck off, I knew she knew the conversation wasn’t over yet. We were just moving it somewhere private.
She swaggered into her room, and I caught the door and followed her in, locking it behind me. Stopping in the middle of the room, she swung around to face me, throwing a hand out. “So we’re just going to pretend what happened five years ago didn’t happen?”
“I didn’t say that,” I said, moving a few steps closer.
“Then?”
“Let’s talk about it.”
“Fine.” Cocking her hip, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why’d you do it?”
I opened my mouth to answer, paused, then pursed my lips back together and swallowed.
Five years ago, by the river in her hometown in Raven, I’d shut her down viciously when she’d gotten close and the moment had felt…intimate.
I’d known she had a crush on me. I could’ve respected her feelings and rejected her politely. But I didn’t. I was cruel and cold, and in return she hit me where it hurt. Rightfully deserved in hindsight, but that didn’t mean it incited me any less. And I’d held on to that ire since in the same way she had.
But why did I do it?
I had an answer somewhere, but it was tangled in so many other thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t pinpoint it and pick it out to explain to her.
“I don’t know,” I eventually said. It sounded shit to my own ears, so it no doubt sounded worse for her. But I couldn’t lie to her.
I could admit my faults. I was hot-headed and held grudges like my last breath depended on it. I was bossy, stubborn, demanding, and difficult. I had a jealous streak that outdid my anger. I lashed out and said things I didn’t mean without thinking of the consequences. I wasn’t above threatening people or breaking-and-entering or tying someone up to keep them where I wanted them.
But I wasn’t a liar. I couldn’t placate Mariyah by saying something I didn’t actually mean. And if I wanted her to agree to exploring this…something, then she deserved better.
A bitter smile raised her mouth as she huffed out a tired breath. Her arms fell to her sides, and she shook her head. “Piss off, Shehryar.”
For the first time in five years, I really didn’t like that she’d called me Shehryar instead of Sheri.
Chapter 33
Shehryar
