Page 142 of Tall, Royal Hater
Gritting my teeth, I stepped back and turned away, and raked both my hands through my hair. I tugged at it in frustration, considering my options.
I couldn’t justify making a claim on Mariyah just yet, but—
I spun back to Esmeralda and shook my head. “I don’t have a claim on her.” My tone lowered with a very real threat. “But I’ll wring any man’s neck who assumes he does. Including Candy.”
Esmeralda leaned back on one bare foot and eyed me carefully. Honestly, she was small enough that all I had to do was pick her up under the arms and physically move her out of the way to get to Mariyah. But I knew she wouldn’t take kindly to being manhandled. As sweet and bubbly as she looked, Esmeralda would tear my ears off with her bare fingers before I could even open the door.
“If I let you in,” she finally said, “what are you going to say to her?” In my stiff silence, she raised her brows. “Do you have an answer for what she asked you this morning?”
My shoulders dropped as I sank back on my weight. “So you know?” I said, not surprised that she did but rather chagrined. Esmeralda wordlessly angled her chin higher. “How much do you know?”
“Enough to be disgusted and ashamed of what you said to her, Shehryar.” Guilt forced my gaze to the floor. “How could you? She liked you, and you turned around and insulted her. And for what? If you didn’t like her, if you weren’t interested, all you had to do was politely reject her and—”
“I was interested,” I snapped, speaking aloud what I never had.
Stunned silence followed, and I angled my gaze to the door as I scrubbed a hand over my face.
“I was interested,” I repeated softly. “But she was your only friend, and I…”
Esmeralda’s shoulder slipped lower in understanding. “You were an idiot for hurting her for my sake.”
Probably. But I’d been a lot of things five years ago.
I’d been out of the Army for barely a year and started my role as Esmeralda’s bodyguard and private secretary. We were in anew place, her relationship with King Kareem was awful, and I didn’t want to fuck it all up by sleeping with her one and new and only friend.
More than that, I hated how I was attracted to Mariyah.
At twenty-two, I had a lot of anger and hatred towards my father and the wealthy population of Neves in general. And Mariyah had been brought up in that very world.
Her family wasn’t super rich, but rich enough that there had been moments when her attitude or something she’d said or done had left an irritated taste in my mouth. Thinking back, they had only been minor things done by a young girl still growing up between all the affection and love she’d shown Esmeralda. But I’d used them to label her as a spoiled rich kid, and yet I still found her undeniably beautiful. I still caught my gaze lingering on her way too often, and that made me grow frustrated with myself as much as with her.
So, when the chance had arisen by the river to reject her once and for all, I’d taken it firmly by the hand, telling myself it was to guarantee she didn’t try to pursue me. But really, other than ensuring I didn’t ruin anything for Esmeralda, I was just taking my frustration out on her.
I’d been childish and beyond rude. I’d been an idiot. And in the process, I’d earned myself five years of every test to my self-control and sanity. Because what should have ended on that night instead started warfare between us. I’d held on to my anger, and she’d held on to hers. We threw insults and bickered, ignored and tested each other all in the name of hate. And for what?
For five years, I did my best to avoid her, but I’d never managed to avoidthinkingabout her. And one touch, one moment of jealousy was all it had taken to ignite the feelings I hid behind “hate.”
Now that I’d tasted her passion, vulnerability, and integrity with the never-ending sass directed at me, I wasn’t sure I could go back to pretending I hated her. Not even for Esmeralda’s sake.
Esmeralda sighed heavily, her arms going slack by her sides. “Why didn’t you tell her that this morning?”
“Because…” I squeezed my nape, trying to ease the tension locking up my muscles. “I didn’t know how to explain it without sounding like the judgemental dickhead she already thinks I am.”
“Well, knowing Mariyah, she will likelystillthink you’re a judgemental dickhead.” She gave me an encouraging smile. “But she’ll appreciate your honesty.”
I edged forward. “So, can you—”
“No.” Esmeralda put her hand against my chest. “That doesn’t mean I’ll let you see her now. And she’s not in the mood to listen yet, so there would be no point anyway.”
“But Candy,” I growled, pushing forward.
She pushed back. “I’ll get him to leave. But you’re leaving too.”
I knew Esmeralda would get Candy to leave, but that assurance did nothing to dampen the urge to charge in like a bull when she opened the door to head back inside.
“And Shehryar,” she said over the music and commotion. “If you hurt her this time, I will not choose you over her. But I would rather you didn’t make me choose at all.”
And then she disappeared inside.
