Page 144 of Tall, Royal Hater
“That night, by the river, I wanted to kiss you. But kissing you meant accepting a lot of things I didn’t want to accept.” I paused, and her eyes darted between mine, searching for more. “You wanted to know why I said what I did…I said it because you wereEsmeralda’s only friend, and the idea of ruining your friendship when she was already going through so much made me feel guilty. But I also did it because, despite finding you beautiful, I thought you stood for everything I didn’t like.
“You were this rich, carefree girl with no filter and an attitude bigger than the moon, so I labelled you as spoiled, conceited, and childish. You irritated me, and I wanted little to do with you, but when you and Esmeralda were together, I kept finding myself drawn to you and hating that I was.”
Her brows knotted, but she carried on listening quietly. “I knew you felt the same way, and for some reason, that made it worse. So, when you leaned in, waiting for me to kiss you, I wanted to do it, but that made me panic. I said the harshest thing I could think of to ensure it wouldn’t happen. Because I had convinced myself we were wrong for each other, and for Esmeralda’s sake, I wanted to avoid making things messy and uncomfortable for her.”
There was one, two, three seconds of silence, and—
“That is the shittiest fucking reason ever,” Mariyah snapped, her eyes igniting in flames. “Like, I get that you did it for Esmeralda, that makes sense, but you hated the fact you liked me because I reminded you of your dad? Are you fucking serious?”
It was the wrong response, but the corners of my mouth lifted. “No, you didn’t remind me of my dad. I doubt I would have found you attractive if you did.” I nodded to the side. “You did, however, remind me of the money he came from.”
“I am not from a family of billionaires!”
“No, but you still seemed spoiled and bratty to me.”
She opened and closed her mouth, making incoherent noises of frustration. “So, you’re blaming me for whatyoudid?”
“No. I’m explaining to you what I saw. But I was wrong…mostly.” She narrowed her eyes, and I felt my lips twitch again.Had she always looked so cute when she glared? How had I missed it for so long? “You were a cocky, bratty menace around me, Mariyah. All the time.” I eased half a step closer. “But you wereneverspoiled. And deep down, I know I saw glimmers of the truth, but I was stubborn and angry, and it was easier to purposely misjudge you according to all the things I’d assumed badly about you than it was to face the fact that I was a judgemental dickhead.”
Her gaze flicked up and down in a slow, thoughtful perusal, then she stepped back and fortified her shoulders. “None of that really explains why you thought it was necessary to be so fucking rude about it. Even judgemental dickheads add, ‘no offense, but’in front of the shitty things they say.”
“I…” I shifted on my feet, rethinking my next words. “I was lashing out for the conflicted way you made me feel.” Mariyah’s expression hardened. I swallowed slowly. “And I wasn’t convinced letting you down easily would have worked. Because those feelings still would have been there if I’d said Esmeralda was the reason we couldn’t try anything. The temptation of you would have lingered and it would have felt too much like a real possibility to ignore.”
I moved towards her again. “Making you hate me was the only way to ensure that possibility died, so I made a split-second decision that night to do just that.”
I tentatively caressed my fingers against her cheek, and her brows twisted together. “No,” she bit out, shoving at my chest. I stumbled back on one foot, and she spun away.
“Mariyah,” I said as she paced back and forth in short lines. “Let me—”
“No, Shehryar.” She halted abruptly and threw a hand towards the door. “Did you even ask Esmeralda what she would’ve thought of us before deciding that we couldn’t happen?” She turned that same hand and jabbed a finger into her chest. “Didyou fucking ask me what the plan was if we didn’t work? No, you didn’t. You just decided for yourself that neither of us could be adults about it and actually fucking talk before getting involved.”
“I know,” I muttered, walking slowly towards her.
“And you had no fucking right to lash out at me for the feelingsyoufelt. It wasn’t my fault you couldn’t figure out what you wanted.”
“I know.”
“Stop saying ‘I know.’And stop moving closer!”
I stopped, but I latched onto her elbow and pulled her the rest of the way to me. She was ready with her palms against my chest to push again, so I cupped her face in my hands, keeping her close.
“Sher—”
“I’m sorry, Mariyah,” I said, my voice deep with sincerity. “You’re right. The way I took my feelings out on you was a shit thing to do. I should never have insulted you like that, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I should have handled it better. I should have been mature about it, but I wasn’t. And I can’t take it back but know that I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.”
Some of the anger from her brows lifted. “You should be,” she grumbled.
“I am.” I dropped my head, giving her plenty of time to pull away. She didn’t, and I aligned my mouth over hers, pressing soft, slow pecks to her lips. “I’m sorry, little menace.”
After the fourth one, she let out a weighted exhale and kissed me back. “For what it’s worth.”Kiss. “So am I.”Kiss. “For what I said.” She eased back and her throat bobbed. “About your dad. I lashed out too, and I’m sorry.”
At the time, when she said I had a “poor boy abandoned by his dad”complex, it fucking stung because I saw the truth in it. That was how I felt, and having her call me out on it rankled beyondwords. I couldn’t say I’d grown out of it completely, but it was a journey. A slow one.
I brushed my nose across hers. “It’s okay. I deserved it. But I won’t lie and say I didn’t use what you said to further justify my dislike for you and everything else I thought of you.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, well, me too. You called me a spoiled brat, so I decided to act like one.”
“And that’s how five years of torture started,” I said with a playful growl.
