Page 99 of The Last Saturday In July
Simon gulped some more of his drink. ‘We bumped into her and her friends at the stag.’
‘She told me.’ Jess blinked. ‘Well, she didn’t mention the kiss.’ Was that why Kate had been so angry and self-righteous? Had she been trying to justify her actions, by telling herself that Jess didn’t love Simon? Except it made no sense. But not owning up to a harmless kiss at a stag party made no sense either.
‘It was just a kiss.’ God, if she didn’t tell him now ... ‘Simon, it was just a stupid kiss on your stag night.’
He took an audible breath. ‘I want you to know how it happened.’
This was insane. But it was clear he wanted to get everything off his chest.
Simon stared into his glass.
‘We were dancing, and I think ... I know I’d had a lot to drink. Not that it’s any excuse. Anyway, I kissed her.’
Jess’s heart thumped loudly. Had Kate kissed him back? Had she kissed him first? It would be so like Simon to be gallant about the whole thing. He seemed to be waiting for some sort of response.
‘How does Kate feel? I mean, did you talk about it?’
A vein throbbed in Simon’s neck. ‘I hope she sees it for what it was.’
Jess didn’t care. None of it mattered, not the hows or whys. It was nothing compared with what she’d done. ‘Simon, really, it’s okay.’
‘How is it okay, Jess?’ Simon looked up, his eyes glittering. ‘I shouldn’t have done that to Kate. She trusted me, Luke trusts me. And what about you and Kate? I’ve put myself between the two of you.’ He pushed a hand roughly through his hair. ‘I’ve no idea how Kate feels, because I’ve been too much of a coward to contact her and apologise properly. But I feel like such a shit.’
A memory of her and Adam kissing in the church slid to mind. Was that how Simon and Kate had kissed? It wasn’t impossible, especially when she thought about how close they were, how easy it would have been for them to take that next small step. She finally knew why Kate had lashed out. It was guilt.
Jess tried to take a deep breath, but her chest was too tight. ‘Simon, I need to say this before I lose my nerve.’
Simon shifted in his chair. ‘Wait, do I really need to hear it?’
She was speechless. Did he guess? Was he giving her an out? If she said nothing, could Simon pretend it was nothing? Jess tried to imagine that, and for a few moments she let herself believe it was possible. Only what if he guessed wrong, and discovered later that it was far worse than he’d imagined? Her insides squeezed. ‘I need to tell you so you can decide whether to go ahead with the wedding.’
Simon looked sharply at her, before tossing back the rest of his drink.
Jess spoke quickly to her tightly clenched hands. ‘I got drunk on my hen night and, as a joke, the girls put me and Zoe on a ferry to the Isle of Man. I had a one-night stand.’
She glanced up at Simon, who looked paler than she’d ever seen.
When he finally spoke, his voice was dull. ‘Did you know him?’
‘No.’
‘So, he was a total stranger.’ A look of horror crossed his face. ‘Was it rape? You said you were drunk.’
Jess spoke quickly. ‘We’d both been drinking, but there was consent, Simon. It wasn’t rape.’ She tried to guess what he was thinking. ‘He used protection. The following morning ... I left before he woke. I’m desperately sorry, I’ve never cheated on you before, that’s the truth.’ Jess’s face burned as Simon continued to stare coldly at her. Her voice wavered, a whisper now. ‘I’ll understand if you want to end things.’
Simon put his glass down on the table. ‘Is that what you want?’
She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.
Simon sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. ‘Fuuuuck!’
Jess didn’t think it was possible for her heart to beat any louder. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again, starting as Simon sprang to his feet.
‘No wonder you wanted a break.’ His eyes were bright with tears as he gave her a brief, hard stare. ‘I’m such a fucking idiot.’ He turned on his heel and strode over to the window, where he stood with his back to her, staring out.
Jess didn’t move: her whole body felt frozen, her brain incapable of thought. After what seemed like an eternity, Simon spoke again.
‘Is there anything else I need to know?’
