Page 120 of The Last Saturday In July
How had it come down to this? But part of her already knew the answer. ‘I suppose not.’
‘Maybe it’s my fault….’
‘It’s definitely not your fault, Simon.’
He sighed. ‘It’s enough that we’ve both had doubts.’
Jess’s insides squeezed. How long had Simon had doubts? Deep down, she guessed they’d started long before her hen weekend. ‘Why do you think it’s your fault?’
Simon didn’t flinch. ‘I was wrong to propose to you. To be honest, I think I proposed for the wrong reasons.’ He ran a hand back through his hair. ‘My life has been on this upward trajectory, and I really thought we were doing the right thing. I mean, we were living together, and...’ he stopped, apparently lost for words.
‘And marriage felt like the next step, I know.’ Jess chose her next words carefully. ‘I sort of felt things started going wrong for us after we got engaged.’
Simon winced. ‘I couldn’t even commit to a honeymoon, could I? I made dozens of excuses, mainly to myself.’ He released a slow breath. ‘We’re not really in love, are we?’
Jess shook her head. ‘No.’
She’d known for a while, she realised. It didn’t matter how they’d got together, or how good Simon had been to her and her family. The fact was, they’d stayed together for all the wrong reasons.
He glanced back towards the church door and straightened his tie. ‘I’d better make an announcement.’
‘Right.’
It was surreal. Less than an hour ago, all that had mattered was making it to her own wedding on time. Now, she felt sick at the thought of their guests waiting inside. But she couldn’t let Simon do this by himself.
‘We’ll make the announcement together.’
Simon gave her a grateful look. ‘What about the meal? Will we just go ahead with it? It’s paid for, and people have come a long way.’
Jess thought of Chelsea and experienced a brief flash of jealousy, then reminded herself that Simon had done nothing wrong. He was one of the best people she knew, and deep down she knew the right thing was to get through the day together.
‘Good idea.’
Simon looked relieved. ‘I nearly forgot.’ He indicated towards the church. ‘Kate is here.’
‘So, she made it.’
‘Yes.’ A slight colour spread from his neck. ‘She made it.’
She gave him a long look. It was stone mad how she and Kate had known Simon for the last three years, and none of them had seen what was happening.
‘Are you ready?’ He shook out his hands, and Jess realised he was as nervous as she was.
‘Not really, to be honest.’
Simon opened his arms, and for the last time she stepped into his embrace, wrapping her own arms around his back, as she tucked her head under his chin. Eventually, he pulled away and held out his hand to her. She took it, and together they walked into the church.
As Simon gave her hand one last, reassuring squeeze, Jess walked off the altar, slipping into the sacristy at the other side. Closing the old wooden door behind her, she allowed herself a few moments to lean against it, and wish the day was already over.
Kate and David had known, she thought. She’d seen it on their faces the moment she and Simon had entered the church. Her dad had known too. Jess had a feeling he’d known from the moment she and Zoe had arrived. And she suspected everyone else had quickly put two and two together, when she and Simon had walked up the aisle together.
But Simon’s short speech on the altar had been perfect. He’d left their guests in no doubt that he and Jess cared for each other but were no longer in love. She’d even managed a smile when he’d said it would mean a lot to them both, if everyone came to the meal. She couldn’t help but wonder what his wedding speech would have been like. Now she’d never know.
When Simon had finished and they’d thanked everyone for coming, every person in the church had stood and applauded. Jess had tried to focus on that, rather than on the looks of sympathy on the faces of her family and friends. She hadn’t dared to look in Úna and Edward’s direction.
Now she started to shiver. Unlike the church, which had been heated, the sacristy was a cold, slightly damp little room. The door started to open behind her.
‘Jess, it’s me.’
