Page 102 of Psync
“Yes,” Eli said miserably. Usually when he felt this bad, he’d crawl into Haruka’s lap. What the heck was he supposed to do when he felt this way because ofHaruka?
There was a long, horrible moment where Haruka did nothing. Then he gave a small laugh. He reached under the table and opened a drawer Eli hadn’t even known existed, pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper, and handed it to Eli.
“What . . .?”
“Open it.”
Hesitant fingers unrolled the paper to reveal the messy, splotchy kanji Eli had written that day at the fair. Eli traced the character for Haruka. “You kept this?”
“I went back to the booth to ask for it. That’s all.”
“Oh.” Eli’s mouth tasted like blood, and he realized he’d chewed the inside of his cheek to shreds. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“So, you’re not into Kate?”
“I don’t even know which one Kate is.”
“Then you’re not tired of me?” Eli’s feet brought him a step closer to Haruka.
“Never.”
“Then what happened tonight?” Everything around Eli felted warped and surreal. He was actually interrogating his boyfriend on why he wasn’t acting like a stalker, like it was a bad thing.
“I was trying to be supportive . . . and to show you I trust you.” Haruka unfolded himself from his position on the floor and stood up. “But it’s been challenging.”
“Why? I mean, supportive is great, I love support, but why all of a sudden?”
“Because I don’t want you to leave me.”
Ohhhhhhh.
Now that was more like the Haruka he knew. His stomach stopped trying to claw it way out of his throat, which allowed Eli a chance to calm down enough to really look at his boyfriend. Up close he didn’t look as relaxed as Eli originally thought when he came home. His eyes were tight at the corners and his fingertips were white, like he’d been clenching his hands recently.
“Leave you? I love you, why would I leave you?” Just the idea made him sick. “You might as well ask me to chop off a hand—” Eli stopped as Haruka’s eyes turned predator bright.
What had he said? He rewound the past few seconds in his head. Eli’s cheeks burned when he realized what he’d just confessed to. Until that exact moment, he hadn’t fully realized exactly how true they wore.
Eli loved Haruka.
“Say it again.” Haruka drew so close his toes were nearly touching Eli’s.
“Well, I do!” Eli stuck his chin out. “Love you, I mean.”
“And here I thought you were going to make me say it first . . .” Haruka whispered, closing the distance between them, stopping when there was only a hairsbreadth of space between his face and Eli’s.
English was too limiting sometimes. Japanese had several ways to confess—from the cutesukithat meant I like you, ordaisukiwhich sort of meant love, but was closer toI’m super into you and want to get more serious. Then there was the term that meant a lasting, forever kind of love.
“Aishiteru.” Eli touched Haruka’s chest, willing him to hear that Eli understood exactly what he was saying.”
Haruka placed a hand over Eli’s. “Watashi mo aishiteru.”
I love you too.
It was so simple and incredibly sweet.
They were simply two college kids confessing to one another in their dorm. It should have felt anticlimactic—their beginning had been rocky and at times even explosive. So, this felt right. Like they’d found a balance.
