Page 53 of Psync
The pull in his chest was killing him. If he’d thought it was bad before Friday, it had doubled by Saturday, then again on Sunday. By Monday morning, Haruka felt like he was walking around with a gaping wound in his chest and constantly found himself reaching up to touch it to make sure he wasn’t bleeding out.
The morning was torture as helistenedwhile Eli had panic attack after panic attack. Something was wrong, but there was nothing he could do. He didn’t know where the boy was, and Eli wasn’t returning his calls. He’d been on the verge of destroying his room when Eli finally picked up the phone.
And Haruka had blown it. The pull had forced him to be too pushy and scared Eli away. If he’d been able to rein it in just a little, he could have seen him, made sure he was okay, and taken care of him if he wasn’t. Haruka knew down to his bones that Eli was not okay.
The pull in his chest punished him brutally after Eli had hung up. All he could think about was finding Eli, protecting him, and if need be, hurting anything that threatened him.
Haruka didn’t even recognize himself. Where was the calm, bored young man who’d had everything in his life come so easy? Was this his payment for all of the gifts life had given him?
Now he was a ball of worry, anger, and fear. He had to find Eli.
He’d discovered where one of Eli’s classes was, so he’d decided to ambush him, hopefully without scaring the boy to death. Except when Haruka arrived, a girl had fallen down the stairs and needed him to take her to the infirmary.
The plan had been to get her there, drop her off, and get back before Eli’s class ended. Then he felt something inside him rip in two and saw Eli staring at him like Haruka had shot him with an arrow.
The pull yanked him toward Eli, but the girl on his arm cried out and weighed him down.
Eli wasn’t physically injured, and Haruka was planning on coming right back. He wouldn’t wait for class to finish, he would pull him out, talk to him, and explain what happened.
But when he got back, it was too late. Eli had vanished, no one had seen him—or would admit to having seen him—and all Haruka could do was sit in Eli’s hall, trying to keep his shit together. Because Eli needed him. His person needed him to be okay until they could fix this misunderstanding.
He kept telling himself he should be happy that Eli was jealous. And that maybe Eli felt even a little of what Haruka was feeling, but the waves of misery pouring through their bond ruined any happiness Haruka could have felt.
Especially when he’d physically felt Eli’s pain. It was so intense, Haruka had to examine his hand to make sure he hadn’t broken it, but the pain faded to a dull ache after a few seconds.
It still lingered on and off as the days went by. Haruka could feel it now as he sent an arrow careening over the target, missing it entirely. He should go home. His sure-fire solution to a crowded mind wasn’t working today, and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to accidentally shoot someone.
Kyudo had helped soothe him last week after the first time Eli started avoiding him. He’d been able to lose himself in the heat of the sun and the beautiful stillness of the moment before releasing an arrow brought him. Now he couldn’t find the stillness. The hole in his chest was too loud to allow him any peace.
What else was he supposed to do? If he took a walk, his fan club would mob him again. The last time he’d tried, he’d caught a fleeting glimpse of Eli. The boy’s normally brilliant eyes were dull, and his body was hunched protectively around his bandaged hand. It took everything Haruka had to not knock the girls surrounding him out of the way and chase him down.
He suspected Eli wasn’t eating, and he definitely knew he wasn’t sleeping—not enough to have nightmares, anyway. At this point Haruka would gladly accept any nightmares Eli sent him. At least he could be there, helping him in some way.
Eli’s friends were no help. Nate glared daggers at him any time Haruka tried to talk to him, and Alice only gave him a sad smile when he’d begged her to make sure Eli ate something.
He had to do something. Anything. If Eli felt half as bad as Haruka did right now, this couldn’t continue any longer. He’d scour the entire campus if he had to.
“Aaron!” Haruka called his captain to him. “I need you to do me a favor.”
“Will this favor help you get your groove back?”
Groove? Haruka had no idea what a carved space in wood had to do with himself, so he assumed it was an idiom he hadn’t learned yet and went for context. “Sure . . .”
“Then I’ll do it.”
“I need you to distract my fan club so I can get out of here.”
“Is that what’s been bothering you? Man, you’re crazy. I would be happy to take them off your hands.”
“They’re all yours.”
Haruka went to the back of the shelter and hid in the shadows until Aaron went over to the railing and made a big production of stringing his bow shirtless.
No one was looking at Haruka anymore. He took the opportunity to dart out the back of the shelter into the trees so he could cut back around to head for the dorms. He was about to make a serious nuisance of himself.
???
Two hours and several unwanted phone numbers later turned up nothing. Night was falling, and the hole in his chest had reached truly impressive levels. His hand kept pressing against it like his guts would spill out if he didn’t hold them in.
