Page 48 of Quiet
Briar wanted to push him down and see what other colors he could make him turn. Two hours ago, he would have. Now he was too afraid to disturb the fragile balance they had. Somehow, he’d managed to get Isa inside his room. He didn’t want to ruin it.
However, it seemed like every time he acted on instinct, things went better with Isa than they did when he thought too much.
“I’m not afraid of your family, Isa.”
Chapter19
Isa
He had a happy stomach filled with questionable choices. He could have easily whiled away the rest of the evening lying on Briar’s floor, surrounded in cushions, and learning all there was to learn about Briar’s life.
Then Briar had to go and ruin it by bringing up why Isa was here in the first place.
Yes, he’d been dragged here, but it was such a Briar thing to do, Isa couldn’t bring himself to be angry about it. If he was forced to tell the truth, Isa kind of liked the way Briar tended to manhandle him and move Isa around as he saw fit—maybe he liked it a little too much.
In hindsight, Isa was a little surprised it had taken Briar this long to carry him off to his home.
And what a home it was. Isa allowed his eyes to drift around Briar’s room—it took up half of what Isa assumed to be the servants’ quarters of an old colonial mansion. Most of the space was taken up by easels, art supplies, canvasses, and sculptures in various stages of completion. If Briar had such a space at home, why did he even bother to come to the studio?
The casual chaos of Briar’s workspace cut off abruptly, as if there was an invisible line delineating where he did art and where he lived. Everything became orderly and neat past this line.
Isa dragged his attention back to Briar who was leaning against his bed calmly, waiting for Isa to respond.
“You should be. It’s not just my family, they have an entire church behind them. If they decide to hate something, they put everything they have behind it.”
“Tell me about them.”
Briar sat quietly as Isa told him about his childhood. He described the protests he’d been carted to since he was a baby—ones he was ashamed to know about, let alone be a part of. The hateful rhetoric his father spouted every Sunday. And how when he got old enough to ask to stop going, he was beaten, ridiculed, and starved.
Isa saved the worst for last, so Briar would finally understand why he needed to stay away from Isa forever.
“My uncle Cal is gay. I remember the day he told my father. I’ll never forget it—he did it in front of the whole family. Maybe if he hadn’t done it so publicly, Dad would have gone easier on him. I don’t know. What I do know is that when he was done . . . hurting him, my uncle could barely drag himself out of the house.” Isa’s voice closed up, and he fought to keep going. “I wanted to help him, but I was so small . . . there was nothing I could do. The entire time he was punishing my uncle, my father watched me. It was like he was telling me what would happen to me if I ever dared to do the same thing.”
Isa finally stopped. There was more, so much more he could have told Briar. He hadn’t even gotten to what it had been like being small and pretty in a school full of rednecks and how his father had felt about Isa’s tiny, unathletic frame. But he couldn’t say anymore. He just didn’t have it in him.
Especially not with the way Briar was looking at him.
He was pissed.
Isa prepared himself to be kicked out of the warm, comforting home he’d been welcomed into. To be sent away now that Briar knew the truth. It wouldn’t work between them. It could never have worked. Isa shouldn’t have let it get this far.
He couldn’t stop himself though. Briar was just so thoughtful, so handsome, so perfect for Isa. As much as he’d fought Briar’s attempts to get closer to him, there was always a part of him that had screamed YES at the top of its lungs.
Isa had wanted to get closer to Briar too. If he could have physically attached himself to Briar and never let go, he would have done so. Which was why he couldn’t inflict his family on him. Even if they hid their relationship, there would always be a chance of getting caught.
Isa had been insane to do what he and Briar had been doing all over campus this week. If someone had taken a picture of them and posted it on a forum, his nosy sister could have found it. Then Isa would be as good as dead.
Isa pushed himself to his feet. It was time for him to leave. Briar’s house wasn’t too far from campus to walk. It would only take twenty minutes to get back to his dorm.
Briar was at the door, blocking his way before Isa had his bag over his shoulder.
“You can’t go back.” Briar’s eyes burned with fury. Did he want to yell at Isa before letting him go? That didn’t sound like him. Isa couldn’t even imagine what a yelling Briar would look like.
He sighed. He might as well get it over with. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to having large men yell at him. Isa squared his shoulders and prepared himself for the worst.
But Briar didn’t say anything else. He just stood there, blocking the door like his life depended on it. He rubbed the side of his head, like he did when the words got all jammed up inside. Isa wanted to pet him until his mind calmed down but was afraid it would only make things worse.
“It’s okay, Briar. You can say whatever you need to. I deserve it.”
