Page 34 of A Really Gay Book
“So all you need is some luck to get it working again. Just let me in the room with you while you work on it, and problem solved. You might want to record it, Vix, so you can fix your machine again if you need to.”
“What the fuck?” Vale asked, but no one paid him any attention.
“I’m going to need something in return, though.”
“Let’s hear it,” Gareth said.
“Now you’re going to let him extort us? He’s going to ask for money…”
Everyone continued to ignore Vale, which seemed like the best option. Maybe I’d introduce it as a new rule at our next house meeting.
“You have to protect Adam for me. In order to do this, I’ll need to be far enough away from him not to be affected by his bad luck, but I refuse to let him get hurt ever again. No more accidents, no more tree branches to the face. Not one more scar. I want you to cover him in bubble wrap and guard him with your life.”
“I see no problem with that,” Gareth said easily.
“For life,” I clarified.
“What?” Gareth looked a lot less easy now, but he would have to suck it up. I didn’t give a shit how scary he was, I wasn’t budging.
“You care about Baz. You want him alive. I care about Adam. I want him alive. I can’t be around him twenty-four seven for the rest of my life, so I need people to keep him safe when I’m not around. I will fix your problem today and help you out with future problems as well. In return, one of you will be with him to keep bad things from happening to Adam when I can’t be with him.” I paused to give each of them a pointed look before continuing. “This is a fair deal. You get all my good luck, but it only works when I’m away from Adam. I need him safe. Either accept, or we’re both leaving right now.”
Gareth gave me a long, hard stare with his stone-cold eyes. If I wasn’t me, I’d probably have been shaking violently in my boots. But Iwasme, and I was awesome, so there was only mild nervousness and minimal butt-clenching as I waited for Gareth’s verdict.
Vale had time to mutter at least three more bitchy things under his breath before Gareth finally said, “For as long as the two of you are with our collective.”
I held out a hand. “Deal.”
Gareth took it, and we shook on it.
“I feel like I should be upset about you getting me a babysitter.” Adam shifted me to his other arm finally. He didn’t even have the decency to shake his arm to work the kinks out, and he was acting less like his arm had gotten tired and more like his other arm had gotten jealous and wanted in on the Apple action too.
Like, seriously, was he aiming for an award for Best at Casual Hotness or something?
“Think of it more as getting a bodyguard.” I turned my face up to look at him, giving him my best puppy eyes. “I can’t lose you, Adam.” This was so much more than having an interesting anti-luck charm. This was my life. Adam was my life, and I wouldn’t part with him for anything.
I meant what I’d said. If Gareth hadn’t agreed to my terms, I would have walked away with Adam then and there and left Baz to rot. Or explode. Or whatever he wanted to do in there.
I’d just met Baz, so I wasn’t attached. But I was so attached to Adam that there was no me without him anymore.
Maybe I was more suited for the villain life than I’d thought.
“This doesn’t have to be so dramatic. We can just stick him in the Adam Car.” Vix said. At my look of confusion, he continued. “It isn’t safe for Adam to be in a vehicle, right? About a year ago, I got tired of watching Adam nearly die every time he needed to go somewhere outside of walking distance, so I took it as a personal challenge to make a car that could protect him. It has special paint that absorbs all shock, and the effect can never fail because there are no mechanical components. The car is electric, so it can’t explode. It’s padded up to the rafters, and there are a dozen different ways to extinguish fires throughout the entire car. It’s been in sixteen accidents so far without a single casualty, and I’m very proud of it.”
“I hate the Adam Car,” Adam said sulkily. “It’s hideous.”
“Hideous is the new sexy, my love. Vix, can you make him armor with this paint on it?”
“I’m not wearing armor,” Adam growled.
“Sure you aren’t, sweetie,” I said, knowing I’d find a way to get him to wear some eventually.
He already had a habit of wearing more clothing than the weather warranted to give himself extra padding from accidents, so upgrading his wardrobe should be a simple argument easily won. If I couldn’t abolish coffee shops and bikes, Adam wearing light armor was the next best thing.
Adam rolled his eyes. “You’re insane. You know that, right?”
“Yep!”
“My father told me to never put my dick in crazy, Adam,” Vale said unhelpfully.
