Page 7 of A Really Gay Book
When our future children ask when we started dating, my response will be ten minutes ago today.
“Itit. The BIG It.” The Tornado replied to Stairs Guy. He gazed down at his hands forlornly.
“Not again, Vix.” Stairs Guy sighed and left the stairs, which meant I needed a new name for him. “How many more did you get this time?”
Vix (because I should probably start calling him by his name once I knew it.) began counting on his fingers. He stopped when he reached six, touched his tongue to a canine thoughtfully, and his gaze went distant before decisively adding two more fingers into the mix. “Eight.”
“You can’t keep using it when-” When Vix’s mouth began to quiver like he was about to start crying, No Longer on the Stairs Guy shook his head in a resigned but patient sort of way and squatted beside his friend (twin?) to give him a consoling pat on the shoulder. “Okay. It’s going to be okay. We know how to fix this now, right?”
“No, we don’t! Fixing it was an accident last time, remember? I could have sworn I’d be able to get them out this time, too…” Vix trailed off mournfully.
“Fix what?” I asked because my curiosity had gotten out of control.
Two sets of blue-green eyes fell on me. They weren’t friendly.
“We need to call a house meeting, Adam,” No Longer On The Stairs Guy said coldly. “Would you mind asking your boyfriend to come back later?”
“Boyfriend?” Adam asked with a note of horror in his voice.
Vix’s gaze shot to our clasped hands pointedly, and Adam finally gave me the hot potato treatment.
Dammit.
Then to add insult to insult, Adam hauled me off the couch, freeing my ass from the mild stabbing it had been subjected to, and began to drag me toward the door.
“Wait!” I said, beginning to panic for the first time in my life. Lotta new firsts for me that day. It was the first first I was less than impressed with.
I dug my heels in because I wasn’t going down without a fight. He wasmyAdam now, and this wasmyhouse now, too. I was staying.
Adam didn’t break his stride one bit. Instead, he doubled down by scooping me off my feet and throwing me over one shoulder.
Then he Carried. Me. Out The. Door.
Me! Apple, the darling of the campus, was being kicked out of my own house like a stray animal.
Adam took me all the way to the street and set me down on the sidewalk leading back to campus. I immediately ran for our house, but he scruffed me like a kitten and turned me back around.
“Go home, Apple. Get your kicks somewhere else. This is a private matter. You don’t belong here.”
I stood stock still as Adam presented his back to me and stormed back inside our house.
I was gobsmacked. Never in my life… Okay. I really needed to stop saying that. I was beginning to sound like a Karen.
But can you blame me?
Not only had I been ejected from my new home by my new boyfriend, but I also lost out on finding out whatitwas. And for that matter, what eight things hadithappened to, dammit? Eight cars keyed? Eight coffees shotgunned? Eight maids a-milking?
Hey, don’t laugh. Christmas was coming up soon. That could have been it.
* * *
That evening was weird. When I ordered takeout, they forgot the extra soy sauce, and when I got ready for bed, the cap on my toothpaste got stuck for, like, thirty whole seconds. What a wild night.
My hand was healed by the next day. Like, completely. But I was reluctant to remove the bandage because Adam had given it to me. If I’d thought I was gone on the man yesterday, it was nothing compared to how I felt the morning after. I was definitely moving in with him as soon as humanly possible.
I decided to keep the bandage on for as long as possible, and it ended up being a terrible idea. As soon as I left my house, I collected an entourage of people trying to herd me toward the hospital. At one point, I was convinced the mailman was going to kidnap me and drag me there himself, so I had to whip off my precious keepsake and show everyone there was nothing to be concerned about.
Someone stole it right out of my hand and ran away, and because you know me now, you won’t be surprised to learn that I am still planning to die mad about it.
