Page 21 of Missiletoe
But if I was going to keep Paris safe and maybe even ride him into the sunset, I needed to prove to everyone that I could be trusted to make serious decisions for myself.
“I know you aren’t a child.” Gareth reached out as if to pet my hair again, but his hand halted. He was amazing at reading a situation. If he was dialing back the physical affection that meant he’d realized something in me had changed. But…
“You can still pet me. Please,” I added quickly, just in case Gareth decided I was too old for it now. I was never, ever going to be too old for pets. Not when I was the only one Gareth unwound enough to treat that way. Gareth needed someone to be affectionate with, and if I was the person he felt safe enough to do that with, hell would freeze over before I took it away from him.
Plus, Gareth’s affection felt amazing. Why would I give that up?
I bet Paris’s affection would be just as amazing.
My entire body lit up at the thought. My skin got all tingly, and my dick instantly went to half-mast. Just the idea of Paris touching me did what kissing Gareth hadn’t.
What the hell was up with me?
Gareth smiled the smile only I had the privilege to see, and he stroked my hair. It was still nice, but it didn’t hit like it usually did.
His face did something weird. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he looked melancholy.
“If you really think you’re okay, I’ll trust you.”
“And you’ll leave Paris alone?”
“I promise not to hurt him or anyone he cares about.”
It wasn’t quite what I asked for, but it was the best I could hope for. “Thank you.”
“I can’t make any promises for Baz’s safety, though.”
“You can rough him up a little, but don’t go too far. I promise I’ll never make him that drone.”
“You’d better not. I have a hard enough time containing his collateral damage as it is.”
Gareth might be a cold-blooded killer, but he was a just man. He always did everything in his power to keep collateral damage down to a minimum.
Baz wasn’t like that. It wasn’t that he was bloodthirsty; he just had a difficult time thinking past the moment during a fight. And the more lethal his weapons were, the bigger his body count was.
I love Baz with all my heart and support his choices, but I know that there is a chance that someday his heart will heal from the pain and trauma of growing up the way we did. When that happens, I’m afraid he’ll be able to feel enough that he’ll regret having killed people who didn’t deserve it.
Gareth acts like he fights to keep civilians out of the line of fire because it’s practical, but I’m not sure that’s true. All I know is thatItry to keep our kill count down because I want to spare Baz as much pain as possible.
What about me, you ask? I may have a few deaths on my shoulders, and sometimes I feel the weight, but mostly I don’t. Likely this means my heart has some healing to do too. Or it means that I believe that most of the people I’m responsible for killing had it coming, and I’m not going to waste time crying over them getting sent to the back of the line.
Maybe it’s a bit of both. Who knows?
Anyway, I stopped thinking about what Gareth was going to do to Baz because it wasn’t fun. Instead, my mind drifted off to a happier place filled with Paris and his warm, cozy space in the back of his animal shelter.
It felt more like home than any place I’d ever been. Which was pretty weird. I loved my house, and I loved my people. But…what would it be like if I could add Paris into the mix? Would that even be possible?
I was so strange, and Paris was so good. He’d probably never accidentally killed a single person in his life.
My mood was tanking fast, so I chose to leave before Gareth changed his mind about believing I was responsible enough to decide on my own whether I should get checked out by Vale or not.
“Food time!” I shouted as I backpedaled out of the room. Before slamming the door shut behind me, I added, “Don’t forget to not kill Baz!”
Chapter6
Paris
Despite the detour I’d made to the pet store, I made it back to the shelter with two minutes to spare.
