Page 51 of Missiletoe
I was so glad Baz wasn’t there. Can you imagine what kind of names he would have come up with?
“Oh, shit. You can’t go back there! Paris!” Melanie’s voice hit a pitch that made my ears hurt, and I found myself behind Paris, who had put himself between both me and Sylvia’s cage and the door. Then it burst open, and my entire fucking family stormed through.
Even Apple and Adam came, which meant anything could happen because those two together nearly always led to weird shit for everyone around them.
I jumped up from the bed and darted between Paris and my family. “Don’t hurt him! We’re dads now, and our babies need both of their fathers!”
Everyone but Apple and Adam looked like I’d launched a missile at them. No, instead of reacting like normal people, our resident lovebirds moved off to the side, and Apple said, “I knew I should have bought popcorn.”
“Sorry,” Adam said.
Apple gave him a peck on the cheek and said, “Everything isn’t your fault, my love. And even if it were, you still shouldn’t apologize for it. Embrace the disaster within. I’m here for it.”
“Babies?” That was Gareth.
“We have babies?” That was Baz.
“Hmph.” That was Vale. He’s basically a bitch all the time, so don’t mind him. Just give him love like I do, and I’m sure we’ll wear him down eventually.
“I didn’t think you be stupid enough to hide in plain sight, or we would have been here sooner.” That was also Vale. What he really meant was,You scared the ever-loving shit out of me. Please don’t do it again.
“I want to see the babies! No one kill anyone until I’ve seen my new children.” Baz grabbed me by the arm, and demanded, “Show me.”
I assumed any potential killing would be on hold because Baz hated missing out on bloodshed, and everyone knew he’d be impossible to be around if they started it without him, so I dragged Baz around Paris’s rigid form, leaving him to enjoy some quality time with my family.
Since there would be no murder, they could all start to bond.
I shoved Baz into my new bed and smooshed his face against the cage. “This is Sylvia. Some douchebag knocked her up and ran, so we’re going to help her raise her kids.”
As I gave Baz the rundown on our new family members, I noticed Apple shove Adam out of the room, shouting, “Why the fuck did you bring us here?”
Apple is a nervous nellie about Adam being near animals. I think it had to do with the claw marks on Adam’s torso I wasn’t supposed to have seen.
Please, please, please don’t tell Apple I saw them. I like my eyes where they are, thank you.
Apple yelled from the lobby, “Don’t you dare bring those things into the house!” Then I heard the bell above the door jangle wildly as the door slammed shut.
I ignored Apple’s ridiculous order. If I finished my invisibility ray, I could sneak the kittens in, and Apple would never know. I mean, how hard could it be to keep five kittens and a cat secret? Baz would help, and together we were unstoppable. Or at least uncatchable.
Heh. You see what I did there?
Shush. It was funny, and you know it.
Baz and I argued over Moriarty’s name. He thought Voldemort was a better name, but I convinced him to drop it because I wasn’t going to name one of my precious babies after a fascist created by a terf. It was such a stupid brand of evil.
Once I made that point, I didn’t even have to bring up how Moriarty was smart enough to not lose his nose.
Baz hates fascists and thinks killing people using other people is incredibly lame. It’s much better to do it face-to-face.
Baz likes to give his job a personal touch.
Don’t think that I wasn’t keeping an ear on the quality bonding Paris was having with Gareth and Vale just in case they needed some intervention. I am a multitasker!
This is how it went:
Gareth: “You stole Vix so he could watch kittens be born?”
Paris: “No. I stole him so he could have a life.”
