Page 57 of Missiletoe
At that moment, my entire soul felt like I’d been dipped in warm sunshine. Vix’s kisses were everything. I wrapped my arms around him and held him like the priceless gift he was.
“That’s good. I can’t share you, Vix. I’ve been fighting the urge to hurt your housemates every time I suspected one of them had touched you, bunny. And now that I know they all have—”
“Not Apple or Adam!” Vix interrupted me. “They would have killed me if I’d tried.”
I didn’t think Vix was serious about his life being in danger from Apple or Adam, but my fingers still twitched at the concept.
“Well, there’s that at least,” I said grudgingly. “But I won’t try to hurt the rest of them, I promise. I know that’s not healthy behavior, but I can’t make promises if they try to touch you like that again.”
“What about cuddles? I can’t stop cuddling Baz. I love him!”
It was a thousand daggers to my heart. All the warm, happy feelings Vix had gifted me vanished. I’d known them being in love was a possibility. I’d have to be an idiot not to see how close the two of them were, but sheesh…
I thought dying might be less awful than how I felt right then.
Chapter10
Vix
Paris gave a deep sigh and went to what I was beginning to think of as his meditative state. It didn’t look like a happy one, though. After a long time, he asked, “What kind of love?”
“What kind?” One of the bunnies nudged my butt through the bars of the cage, and I turned in Paris’s arm just enough so I could run a finger up its cute little nose and over the top of its head. All of my new kids were so cute. “I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it before. Baz is like an arm or a leg. He’s always been there, and he’ll always be there. When he’s gone, I feel lonely, and when he’s there, I’m okay again.”
“Is it the same as the way you feel about me?” Paris was so quiet I don’t think I would have heard him if I wasn’t in his arms.
I had to think about the question for quite a while. Baz was an important part of my life. So important that I knew I couldn’t live apart from him without having a hole inside me. It meant I couldn’t lie to Paris about my feelings for Baz and fake it for the rest of my life. He’d notice if I was sad forever.
“Baz and I are closer than brothers, and we’re never apart for long. If we are, I start feeling like a plant without water. We finish each other’s sentences, and our family likes to joke that we rehearse all of our conversations. We do a little bit, but not as much as everyone thinks. Baz and I just click.”
Paris’s look of devastationhurt, and it had me digging deeper. How did I feel about Paris? If I was going to stop his hurt, I had to find my truth and share it with him.
I decided to do my thinking out loud, hoping Paris could make sense of it. Otherwise, I might be quiet for too long while I worked it out, and that might freak Paris out even more.
“When I have a sleep attack, I don’t usually just drop right away. My body has this weird thing where it lets me seek out a place where I feel safe. You were pretty far from where that accident was today. Like, much further than I usually manage to stumble before I collapse. And when I woke up, I’d never felt so safe. Paris, I’d been awake for a minute before I’d become impossibly attached to you. I was afraid Baz had already snatched you up, and I fell asleep again because I didn’t think I was good enough for you even if Baz hadn’t claimed you.”
When Paris started to object, I held up a hand and said, “Let me finish. I fell asleep that third time because I got super horny for you and thought I couldn’t have you, so I just fritzed out. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I love Baz with my whole heart, but I’m not attracted to him. When we fuck, it’s only fucking. But touching you is like a religious experience.
“I can live without fucking Baz. But I haven’t even had sex with you yet, and I know I can’t live without it. I’d start doing creepy things, like stalking you, or maybe make a machine that made you love me or something. Paris, I’d be miserable living a life without Baz, but I wouldn’t survive a life without you. You’re it for me. Please don’t reject me because I’m weird. I know that’s a lot of pressure, but please. I need you.”
All traces of hurt were gone from Paris’s face. If I had to describe him now, I’d say he was having his own religious experience.
“I think I made it all the way to you before falling asleep because you were supposed to be mine,” I said softly. “Will you be mine?”
“I’ve been yours since the second you landed on me, bunny. I love you.”
“Really? You aren’t just saying that because I basically threatened to die if you didn’t stay with me?”
“No, because I’d die right along with you, so I think we should stay together.”
“Thank fuck. I mean, I love you too!”
“You’d choose me over Baz if you had to?”
“If I had to, yes. But I don’t think you’d make me choose, would you?”
“No, bunny. I won’t make you choose.” Paris’s answer nearly brought me to my knees with relief, and his sexy, loving smile finished the job and made me go limp with horniness.
Fortunately for me, Paris seemed more than happy to hold me up.
