Page 10 of Killer of the Bells
And no one argued when you said yes to an extension or extra credit. I just consulted my list of rules on the matter and gave them whatever applied to their situation.
Sure, sometimes a student would try to engage with me further. Maybe ask me about myself or tell me about their own lives.
Regarding myself, I’d simply say, “Oh, you don’t want to hear about me. My life is nothing but paperwork and lectures.” They’d laugh, I’d laugh, they’d walk away, and I’d sneak in a quick TV show on my phone about a situation similar to what I’d just gone through to see if there was anything more normal I could have said.
Sometimes I’d find a gem to tuck away to remember so that the next time I talked to someone, I could pull out a new line to use. Even though anyone who spoke to me knew I was different within fifteen seconds of meeting me, I was always on the hunt for new source material so I could get one more moment where I passed as normal.
I’ve somehow convinced myself that every normal moment I get will allow me to unlock the achievementNormal Guy. I’m not sure what I think will happen when or if I unlockNormal Guy.I don’t get along very well with myself, and we don’t talk often, so I can’t really ask.
Myself and I just do our best to coexist awkwardly together without making waves. Everything I do centers around not letting my brain talk to itself. Life is just easier that way.
So, to bring us back around to the situation at hand, I had no clue what to do about Vale, the hot-ass vampire dragging me through the woods. I had no words to muster because, even though I lived in a town filled with supernatural events, and I watched a metric fuck-ton of fantasy media, none of it gave me access to any dialogue to use on the guy who had just drained me dry in more ways than one.
I tottered dizzily behind my vampire, wondering if he was bringing me deeper into the woods so he could kill me in privacy. It was surprisingly lively for a place in the middle of nowhere, but maybe that was how magic folk did things. They had to gather where the humans weren’t in order to get things done.
I wasn’t going to have the strength to keep going much longer. I was tired, hungry, and desperately in need of a nap. I could try to hold out until the vampire killed me, but I’d enjoy it more if I wasn’t exhausted and starving. And after what happened a few minutes ago, I felt like I had a decent chance of getting fucked to death, so I wanted to be wide awake for that if it happened.
So, how did I go about getting something to eat? I was way too frazzled to come up with original words, so I dug for some unoriginal ones that might fit the situation with my vampire.
Hold on. The last show I’d binged was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Was I an idiot or something? I hadplentyof material to work with.
I smacked my vampire’s arm to get his attention and said, “Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says, 'Please.’ And afterwards, I get a cookie.” It wasn’t a perfect fit, but it was as close as I could get considering the circumstances.
Vale dropped my hand and asked, “Who’s Giles?”
I shook my head and frowned because he was focusing on the wrong part. “Afterwards, I get acookie.” I pointed at a nonexistent cookie in my hand, then repeated, “Cookie,” and tapped my invisible-cookie hand.
“You’re hungry.”
“I’m hungry,” I agreed. I wanted to add,so either kill me or feed me, but all I could add was, “Feed me, Seymore.”
The corner of Vale’s mouth lifted slightly, and he said, “Little Shop of Horrors?”
I nodded excitedly.
Vale examined me for a long moment with an inscrutable expression. “This is how you communicate.”
“This is how I communicate,” I said testily, rotating my hand to convey that we should cruise through that part of the conversation and get to the food or the murder.
I hated it when people pointed out how obvious it was that I didn’t fit in. It made it more difficult to disassociate and pretend like life wasn’t happening.
Vale scoffed. “Get over yourself, princess. Everyone worth knowing has something unusual about them. This barely touches my meter.” He touched a finger to his chin and said to more to himself than to me, “Though I should probably tell Gareth that he’ll need Apple to help translate.”
“Gareth?” Who was Gareth? Was Gareth going to help kill me? I’d far rather have Vale do it than some nebulous Gareth. He probably wasn’t half as hot as my vampire.
“My boss,” Vale said, as he pulled out his phone and typed something.
My excitement drained from me as I remembered what Vale said before rocking my world. “He’s going to ask me some questions and then send me on my way. After that, you and I will part ways, and I can go find some other dumbass to murder me.”
“Exactly. I’m glad to see you’re not as stupid as you look.” Vale didn’t look up from his phone as he answered.
“You’re exactly as stupid as you look,” I snapped.
Vale laughed softly, finally looking up from his phone. “That’s a terrible way to convince someone to kill you.”
“Tease,” I said without any effort.
It happens like that sometimes, but it’s rare. I have to be in a sweet spot of distracted and comfortable.
