Page 17 of Killer of the Bells
So…
What the actual fucking fuck just happened?
The soft glow surrounding me faded, and the emptiness of reality slammed back down on me, taking my breath away. I choked from the pain of such a sudden transition.
“Sorry about that, kid. Apple has that effect on people,” Gareth said.
I looked at him before I could think better of it and saw he was poking at my phone. I had time to notice he’d attached something to it before terror swept through me, causing me to slump from the bench, sending me to my knees.
“Effect,” I rasped out. I didn’t know which was worse. The loss of Apple, or Gareth’s effect on my nervous system.
Gareth didn’t say anything else. He just kept poking away at my phone. I closed my eyes and thought about how nice it would have been if Vale had murdered me when he had a chance.
Cool hands lifted me from the ground and placed me on the park bench once more. I flopped bonelessly and fell against awarm, now-familiar body. My eyes opened to fix on Vale. His jaw was clenched tightly, and a vein stood out on his neck.
“I hate Apple, Gareth. I don’t know why you let that little menace stay with us.” Vale growled.
“Menace,” I agreed. Whatever the hell Apple had done to me didn’t mix well with the extreme existential dread I lived with on a daily basis.
“I’m not living under your porch,” I groaned.
“No one is living under our porch,” Vale said. I leaned into him more, and his arm came around me to support me.
“You’re mean,” I pouted.
“We’ve established that, yes.”
I grumbled wordlessly.
“I still have questions, Vale. You shouldn’t have sent Apple away so quickly,” Gareth said, and I could hear him walking toward us. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see him.
“No Apple,” I said firmly.
“Ask your questions, Gareth. I’m sure we’re all smart enough to figure this out together.” Vale’s voice was pure condescension, but he kept his arm around me.
It felt nice. Not Apple nice. Real, actual nice. The kind you could trust. Maybe he was only doing it to keep me from falling over until they questioned me to their hearts’ content, but it was better than whatever the hell Apple had done.
I could see why so many people liked Apple. If their inner world wasn’t a complete pile of shit like mine was, it was probably nice to get a boost like that, but for me? The fallout after wasn’t worth it.
You know what I said about not actively seeking out death? That only came after years of therapy, both after the loss of my bio-family and then after losing Evan and Rob. I still thought about it all the time, and at that moment, I could feel myselfspiraling out of control and zooming toward the very, very bad place.
I clutched Vale’s sweater between my fingers and tried to breathe slowly. To only focus on the moment. On the soft wool under my fingertips. I would get through the present moment, and if Vale and Gareth didn’t decide to kill me, I would go home and sit very, very still. And if I was lucky, I would make it to see sunrise.
After that, it was anyone’s guess.
Chapter
Six
VALE
The small, shuddering form in my arms was doing nothing to calm the chaos inside me. I wanted to kill. I wanted to kill so badly.
Baz was wrong when he said I could have taken out half of Haruka’s forces. I didn’t think I could have stopped at half. If I’d fought even one person, I would have killed them, and I didn’t think I would have stopped until Gareth took me out.
It’s our deal. We’re each other’s kill switch. If one of us ever loses the plot, we’ve agreed to stop the other no matter the cost. Gareth refuses to do it otherwise, though.
Bitch fits and tantrums don’t count, apparently.
