Page 63 of Killer of the Bells
“No, it won’t. I don’t expect to fix you any more than I expect you to fix me. I have my own set of coping mechanisms to work with, but maybe…”—Vale squeezed my hand—“Maybe we can work together to support one another.”
“You’re surprisingly mature for a broody not-vampire,” I teased.
“Blame Paris. He’s far too nosy for his own good, and he has his own brand of magic that is entirely too personal for my liking.”
“Are you in love with?—”
“No!” Vale looked like he was going to be sick, and I decided to stop teasing him and do my best to stop letting the jealousy bug run amok inside me.
“I do need to tell you about Vix, though,” Vale said slowly.
A chill went down the back of my neck, and my stomach clenched. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“If I were you, I would hate it. If you have any past lovers, don’t tell me about them if you don’t want them to go missing.”
“But I’m supposed to be okay with whatever you’re about to tell me? That sounds kinda shitty.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I need you to know because it’ll ruin everything if I don’t tell you and you hear it from someone else.”
“Just spit it out. If I have to wait any longer, I’m going to be sick.” I wasn’t joking. My stomach was churning. Love had a wicked backswing, but if I was going to allow Vale to upend my life and emotions, I was going to have to face all the little nasties as they came.
“Everyone in my house has their own tragic backstory, and Vix is no exception. I won’t go into his, but it left him with quirks that made it impossible for him to care for himself properly. Before Paris came, the entire house worked to help him manage.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” I said cautiously, trying not to react until I got the whole story.
“One of his quirks is an overactive libido,” Vale winced as he took in my empty expression. “His judgment and impulse control are nonexistent, and his partner Baz was going crazy trying to keep him from wandering away with random strangersto get his next fix. Baz tried to keep up with Vix’s needs, but he couldn’t manage it alone. If Vix wasn’t having sex between two to four times a day, he would vanish, and Baz would run wild until he was found. And when I say run wild, I mean he’d add to his body count.”
“So, you all helped him manage it,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “That doesn’t sound so bad. Bros helping bros is pretty normal in my book. Baz and Vix already told me you all hooked up, so you don’t need to confess that one.”
“They were telling the truth. Until Paris showed up, Baz was often Vix’s plus one because he gets anxious when he can’t see Vix.”
“Poor Baz. He sounds like he has his own shit going on too.”
“Oh, he does,” Vale confirmed. “But there’s more I need to tell you about Vix.”
“Of course there is,” I sighed.
“I became unhealthily attached to him. I can admit that now. At the time, I thought I was in love with him, but after meeting you and learning what love really feels like, I can see that he was a fixation. Something to control so I could feel less out of control myself.”
“Ugh. That’s… that’s a lot to take in.”
“Is it too much?” Vale’s voice was hoarse, and his grip on my hand tightened.
I measured my feelings, and I didn’t love what was sloshing around inside me. I knew Vale was going to have a past. I couldn’t expect him to know about my existence before we met and be celibate for his entire life before meeting me. I certainly hadn’t.
“I see why you told me,” I said slowly. We were at a make-or-break point of our burgeoning relationship, and I had to tread carefully. “You said he’s with Paris now. How do you feel about that?”
Vale seemed to take my question as a good sign and relaxed slightly. “I don’t like Paris, but he’s good for Vix. Paris actually loves him and wants to take care of him. I was never any good at it. I was always too caught up in my research and my own bullshit to be able to give him the attention he needed. That was why Gareth had to help take care of Vix as well.”
“You mean Gareth fucked him too?”
“Gareth will do anything to make sure his people are okay.”
“And I imagine tapping a pretty boy like Vix wasn’t much of a hardship,” I grouched. “I understand it, though. You had a life before me, but I need to know, all jokes aside, are you still in love with Vix? Are you settling for me because you can’t have him anymore? Tell me the truth. I promise not to run off a cliff if you tell me something I don’t want to hear.”
“I’m not,” Vale said firmly. “I need you to believe me on this. I didn’t even know what love was at the time. I thought it was something disgusting and fake, some cosmic joke that everyone else was in on except me. Whatever I felt for Vix was nothing compared to how I feel about you. If you want, I can never speak to him again.”
I laughed dryly. “That would be incredibly toxic. If I couldn’t trust you to control yourself, why would I want to be with you? That sounds exhausting, and I’m already exhausted enough as it is. If you tell me that you love me and don’t want anyone else, I will believe you, but you have to mean it. If it ever turned out to be untrue…” I trailed off because I didn’t need to say what would happen.
