Page 78 of A Christmas Temptation for the Duke
“I can see that,” her mother said. “But here is not where you are required to be. Lord Grayhill has just arrived and you are expected downstairs – how will it look if you do not join us? You are the very reason he is here in the first place.”
She shrugged. “I doubt anyone will notice.”
“I am sure Lord Grayhill will.”
“Him most of all…”
“Alison…” Her mother groaned as if in pain. “Is this because of what happened? How many times do I need to tell you how sorry we are?”
Once more would not hurt…
“It has nothing to do with that, Mother. I know you are sorry.” She did not know that, but Alison did not see the point in complaining. She was well past that point by now. “And I do not blame you for what happened.” She did blame her, but again, she was well past the point where she thought to complain. After a lifetime of being ignored and forgotten, what difference would it make now?
“Well? What is the matter?” her mother insisted. “Are you ill? Did Lord Grayhill…” She hesitated, almost sounding worried. “Ithought he treated you well. Did he not care for you these past two weeks?”
“He did.”
“Then what is wrong? Alison…” Her mother dropped to one knee and took her by the hands. When she did, she looked up at her oldest daughter, and the worry she felt was painted clearly on her face. “If something happened, you know that you can tell me. You know that you can tell me anything. I am your mother.”
It was all Alison could do not to break right then and there and tell her mother exactly what she was thinking.
How could she call herself her mother when she had left her behind? How could she call herself her mother when for twenty-two years, she had treated Alison as an after-thought? How could she call herself her mother when she could not even see with her own eyes that her eldest daughter was heartbroken?
Is that not what mothers are meant for? Are they not supposed to be possessed with an inborn ability to sense the pain and suffering of their brood? Maybe they are… just not mine.
She did not say any of that, of course, because to do so would have been to reveal the real reason that Alison sat in a state of such utter heartbreak and morosity that she wondered if she would ever feel whole again.
Daniel had arrived at her home just now to drink tea with her and her family. There, he was sure to be praised for his goodwill and kindness. Lord Pemberton would not doubt ask him to recount these past two weeks. And through it all, Alison would be forced to suffer through the lies and the pain and the knowing of what truly transpired, unable to say anything because she knew it would make no difference.
Daniel did not care for her as she did him. And even if he did, he was not willing to admit it. What they had shared burned bright and passionate for a time but had since withered and died so that it was no more. And where once Alison might have fought for it, as that was her way, she knew Daniel well enough to know there was no point.
What she wanted was to forget about him once and for all. It was not the best outcome she could hope for, but it was all that there was.
“Nothing is wrong,” Alison sighed and then forced a smile. “I am just tired, is all. It has been a long two weeks. Sorry to have worried you, Mother.”
Her mother breathed a sigh of relief. “As it has been for all of us. But you are expected downstairs, Alison. You owe Lord Grayhill that much, at least.”
She winced. “Then downstairs I will be.”
With no choice, Alison took her mother by the hand and allowed herself to be led downstairs.
The sounds of chatter greeted her from the dining room, and she recognized Daniel’s voice immediately. That was like a knife driving through her chest, made more painful to bear when she stepped into the room and saw him for the first time.
He was sitting at the end of the table with Lord Pemberton. Felix, Nerissa, and Winnie were there too, but she hardly paid them a glance. Daniel wore a stern expression as he spoke with her stepfather, no sense that he was enjoying himself… a sight she knew well, and one that almost brought a smile to her lips.
When she entered the room and he looked up to see her, their eyes met for half a second, and he turned away as if barely noticing her. She stumbled but did not fall. She stayed looking at him, not even certain that she wanted him to see her.
But he did see her… or he used to. Once, the way he looked at her suggested that she was the only person in the world. It had made her feel noticed like she had never felt. And while she hated him at that moment, she needed that like she did oxygen.
Sadly, Daniel seemed determined not to look at her.
This in turn had Alison taking a seat at the end of the table, as far from him as she could, back to being invisible as was her way, almost happy to be ignored because this was the last place she wanted to be.
“… and you are certain that you have never seen the two men before?” Lord Pemberton was asking Daniel.
“As I said, they were strangers to me. And based on what I told the mayor, he has not seen or heard of them either.”
“Very strange…”
