Page 90 of Penalty Box
“School.”
He nodded, then dragged another puck toward him. The contact was perfect, blasting it straight at the black smudge where every other puck had landed. It rebounded fast, and he caught it with the curve of his stick. Reset. The boards looked like they’d taken a beating. I knew how they felt.
“I know you probably want some time by yourself, but I wanted to talk to you.”
His jaw twitched. Another snapshot. Another crack off the boards.
I skated closer, cutting into his orbit. “Did you hear what I said?”
Mason straightened, leaning on his stick. “I talk, I fuck it all up by saying something wrong. I stay quiet, it’s worse. I’m not exactly happy with my options, here.”
“So you’re going to just ignore me and keep blowing holes in the rink?”
“What do you want me to say, Cass?” He tossed his stick aside and went to sit on the Surge bench. When I slowed to a stop in front of him, he said, “You came here to talk, so maybe you should do that.”
I took a steadying breath and tried to wrap my head around what it was I came there to say. I was all fired up from brunch, but now every possible sentence seemed feeble at best.
“Last time we talked,” I started tentatively, feeling my way through the muddle of emotions. “I told you I’d back you up if you wanted to fight. You never told me if that’s what you want.”
“Maybe that’s because I don’t know,” he said, looking up at me. It scared me how lifeless his eyes were. Exhausted. “I thought I knew, but every time I look up, the rules change. The plan changes.”
“I haven’t changed.”
He scoffed, and bent down to undo his laces. When he straightened again, there was something I couldn’t quite read floating at the edges of his expression.
“I told you about my dream but lately, it doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore,” he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “It’s like the second I made it big, the dream belonged to everyone else, and they’re telling me how to live it.”
“You’ve worked too damn hard to throw it away because of other people.” I stepped onto the platform and sat down next to him. “I was just with Josie and she made me realize that youcanhave both, Mason.”
He scrunched up his face. “Josie?”
“Focus. This is important.” He zipped his mouth, and I went on. “The fight I was talking about— That wasn’t just about us. It was about you and your hockey, too. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. If you’re scared of—”
“I’m not scared,” he snapped.
“Then why are you avoiding me like I’m the problem?” My voice rose. “Why are you shutting me out like I’m the thing holding you back, then texting me that you miss me the next day?”
His hands curled into fists on his knees. “Because that’s easier than admitting I already need you. Don’t you get it? Meeting you was… It changed everything. One dream became two.”
For a while, the only sound was the low hum of the cooling system and the distant creak of the boards settling.
“Then what are we doing?” I touched his chin to make him look at me. In that moment, I saw everything in his eyes.Piercing blue, on fire. “The only game that should be played is on the ice. Not with us. I—”
But the words caught in the back of my throat. It was so easy to say them to Josie and Sharon. Somehow it didn’t feel like the right time.
“You have a chance at greatness,” I said. “But if you’re going to walk into it, do it knowing who you are. Not who they say you have to be. That’s the only way it’ll mean anything.”
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Swallowed hard.
Then, finally, he spoke. His voice was quiet, like he’d only just realized it himself.
“I don’t want to be great without you, Cass.”
He leaned in, and I felt the pull of his body. I could practically feel his heat against my skin, his lips on mine. I wanted nothing more in the world.
But I stopped myself right before our lips touched.
“I’m not the only one you need to tell,” I said. “There’s someone else who needs to hear it from you, first.”
