Page 85 of Challenge
My mind flashes back to our first two nights together in the hospital, and she’s completely right. I did say all of that to him. But I didn’t say it because I thought he shouldn’t do it. I said it because…because…
I care about him.
“Vi, I said some derivative of that, but I didn’t mean for him…Of course I didn’t…He’s a career athlete.” I’m tripping over my words. “He has to have the second surgery. There’s no question.”
“We’ve been trying to convince him for two days. He’s not budging!” Her clear blue eyes are wide and wild and a bit scary, if I’m being honest. “What the hell happened between you two? I never would have given you coffee had I known you would do this to him.”
“What does coffee have to do with anything?”
She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, clearly not giving up that nugget of information to me…the chosen enemy. “You have no right to judge our family or how we operate. None.”
“I never said I did!”
“Yet you passed judgement on our dad. He said you questioned him the day before Cam’s surgery. God only knows what you said to Cam. And then you hooked up with him outside of the hospital just to further insert yourself into his life and mess things up. I let it go because I could see how happy he was around you. And I know he’s a charming sod. But you! I never expected you to mess things up like this. This has to be grounds for malpractice! Who do you think you are?” Her voice is so loud it rattles the light fixture.
Her anger doesn’t scare me, though. It doesn’t intimidate me. It enrages me on behalf of myself and what Camden and I are…were. I won’t let her twist what we had together into some sick sadistic game I was playing with a patient. I won’t.
“Look. I’m no one, all right,” I begin, ready to unleash everything inside of me right now. “I’m no one except the one person who maybe looks at your brother a bit more objectively. I don’t see him as a footballer athlete. I see him as a man. A patient at first…but then, a man. A lovely, kind man who has more going on for him than football.”
“Football is his whole life—”
“I’m not finished!”I nearly growl.
She closes her mouth.
“Everything I said to him was because he was alone and hurting. You guys are around him all the time, yet you don’tseehim. You don’t see the fear he has. You don’t see the look in his eyes when I talk about inserting a scope into his leg. You don’t see that maybe the fact that your mum had two surgeries and still died in the end could be causing him some turmoil. You don’t see that a meeting with Arsenal at the hospital puts pressure on him when he’s already crumbling inside, because in his mind, he isbroken! Vi, he’s been a footballer most of his life. He identifies himself with it. He thinks that’s all that he is. This kind of injury messes with more than just his knee.”
Silence stretches out and tears well in Vi’s eyes as she shakes her head back and forth. She attempts to speak but stops herself, covering her mouth to hide her emotions.
“But you’re not completely wrong here,” I say with a tender touch to her shoulder. “I have been completely unprofessional and could probably lose my job after all of this. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to turn me in. I deserve it. I deserve worse.”
She looks down and swipes haphazardly at her wet cheeks.
“But please don’t turn me in because you think I was trying to manipulate your brother. I wasn’t. I cared about Camden. I still…care.” The words ache in my throat like a tight knot that refuses to turn into a full-blown cry. “But he got confused about what we were. It’s probably my fault. I should have put a stop to it before it was too late.”
Vi moves toward me with a pleading look in her eyes. “Maybe you can get through to him? Make him see sense? I don’t know what happened between the two of you. He won’t say a thing and it’s killing me to not know.”
My chin wobbles at his loyalty. Despite me hitting him, despite me rejecting him twice, despite me having sex with him and then kicking him out, he’s protecting me. He could be bad-mouthing me all over London or cost me my job and I would deserve it. But he’s not. “I can’t tell you what happened between us. Just that I wish I were wired differently. Maybe if I was more like your family, things wouldn’t have gotten so complicated between us. I really do still care, though.”
Vi’s eyes are on mine and she gives me a small, imperceptible nod. “I didn’t see Cam.” Her voice cracks. “You’re right. I didn’t see.” She sniffles and wipes her nose with a huff of disappointment. “He’s my baby brother,” her shoulders lift. “I just want what’s best for him. Our family is unique, but you have to know it comes from a good place. Maybe we made some mistakes, but football isn’t just a game to us. It’s not our way of life. It’s what brought us back to life.”
“I actually know that,” I say with a heavy exhale and nod encouragingly. “Despite everything I said, Vi, I know that Camden loves football. I think he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t, but I saw his face at Tower Park that day. I know what it means for him to play with his brothers. To have you in the stands…or holding his hand before surgery. I respect your family so much. I envy what you guys have. It’s completely foreign to me, but to have that level of love and devotion in your everyday lives,” I huff out incredulously. “Your baby is going to be so lucky.”
A surprised smile spreads across her face as she touches her stomach. “It means a lot to hear that.” Tears well in her eyes again. “We don’t know any other way to be a family, you know?”
“Nor do I,” I reply quietly, feeling the sting of realisation overwhelm me.
She swallows and nods definitively. “I should be going. I’m sorry I came here and melted down like this. My Momma-Bear Ninja is strong.”
I smile, but her words don’t bring me comfort. They bring me jealousy. Acute, heavy, surprising jealousy.
She makes her way to the door and calls back, “Take care, Indie.”
“You, too, Vi,” I croak and turn my back to her so she can’t see my face crumple over the realisation that overcomes me in that moment.
“CAMDEN, WHAT IS ALL THISnonsense about you not wanting to have the surgery?” my dad growls into the line. “I can’t even believe I have to have this conversation with you.”
Sighing heavily, I turn the volume down on my earbuds and hit STOP on the treadmill. I could kick myself for answering, but if I didn’t, he would have stopped by. “Dad, this isn’t your decision.”
