Page 29 of Surrender
“The kind where you have all the control like you did with me that night…over…and over…and over.” He pulls one of my hands to his mouth and presses his thick, pouty lips to the tip of my index finger.
My voice quakes. “That was a crazy night.”
“A crazy night I want to repeat with you.” The sincerity in his gaze is pure. “Can you see yourself doing that on a regular basis?”
“That’s really what you want?”
“Very much,” he husks, a vulnerability clouding his eyes and drawing me in like a moth to a flame.
“So this would just be a casual, friends with benefits thing?” I ask, wanting to ensure I have all the facts.
“Friendly friends,” he replies. “Nothing more. Nothing less.”
I clear my throat. My tight, constricted, reactive throat. “But you’d still be my client?”
“Of course,” he replies flippantly. “None of that will change.”
I swallow slowly. “But I have responsibilities, Gareth. Things I can’t be away from.”
“So do I,” he argues. “It’s football season. I’m busy with training, matches, media. You know my schedule is mental. I’m not asking for seven days a week, Sloan.”
“What are you asking for exactly?”
He shrugs. “Whenever we’re both free.” He makes it sound so simple.
It’s not simple for me, though. I’m a mother. I have a child. A child whom I only get to see every other week.
It’s then that the most obvious realisation strikes me. Why didn’t I think of that before? Gareth can brighten my weeks of darkness. My days when all I do is obsess over Sophia and what Cal is or isn’t doing with her. Instead of slipping into a state of depression, I can spend some of my free time with Gareth. It’s like Zumba, but I get to make up all the moves!
My face heats from the notion that I may be saying yes to this craziness. “Where would we do this…freedom?”
His eyes narrow as he retreats into thought. “I train in Carrington Tuesday through Friday, so I could come to your place after—”
“No!” I nearly scream, picturing Freya on the couch squealing overHeartlandwhile Gareth asks me to spank him.Oh my God, would he let me spank him?
“My place then?” he asks, eyeing me speculatively. “I just assumed since I live an hour from Manchester, you’d prefer something more central.”
“Your place is perfect.” I force a smile and glance around his home, curious about all the rooms I haven’t seen yet. It’s far from Manchester. It’s far from reality. It’s ideal. “But we’re going to need rules or something,” I rush out. “I need to know what kind of expectations you have. How far we’ll go.” My face heats from the naughty thoughts making their way out of the dark crevices of my mind. I’m picturing dungeons, and sex hotels, and weird clubs. I’m certainly not equipped for that kind of lifestyle.
“You don’t think we can just figure it out as we go?” he asks with a pleasant smile. “I don’t really have any expectations here, Sloan.”
“Okay, but I’d like to do some research. I’m not very experienced, Gareth. I mean, for God’s sake, I haven’t even kissed a man in…” I pause, cringing over the fact that I can’t remember the last time Cal kissed me. “A long, long time.”
“You don’t need to do research to remember how to kiss, Sloan.” He leans across the table and hits me with all his rugged scent and charm. “I can refresh your memory right now.”
I lick my lips and stare down at his perfect pout of a mouth. God, it would be incredible to kiss him. To seize his lips with mine and know exactly what he tastes like.
The thought makes my blood run cold. This isn’t about a connection. This is about sex. I missed out on casual sex in my twenties by getting married and having a baby. This is my chance to make up for it. I don’t want to screw it all up by getting feelings involved.
The idea of kissing Gareth feels very personal. Very real. Very relationship-like. I don’t need a relationship. All I need is a distraction to survive my weeks without Sophia.
“No kissing,” I blurt out. It worked the first time we hooked up. Surely it will work again.
His eyes narrow. “None?”
“Not on the mouth.” I blush.
“Why?” He looks agitated.
