Page 83 of Surrender
Silence envelopes the space as the unspoken words are processed. They know. They are my brothers and they’ve never seen me upset over a woman.
But me not knowing she has a kid makes it clear that our involvement isn’t cut and dry. Here I thought I had gained some ground with her when she told me I can take a kiss from her whenever I want. I thought it meant we were evolving. Changing. Maybe even for the better. But what happened out on the pitch just goes to show how dead fucking wrong I was about everything.
“Well, how do we fix this?” Camden asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“We won’t,” I nearly growl. “There’s nowehere. It’s just me. I don’t need you guys getting involved.”
“You solve all of our problems!” Camden retorts, his jaw ticking angrily. “Let us help you, Gareth.”
“I’ll be fine.” I slam my locker closed and turn on my heel to stare at my brothers. The three of them stand shoulder-to-shoulder. Legs wide. Chests out. Chins lifted. Like they’re ready for battle. My brothers—thick as thieves and willing to bend over backwards without knowing a shred of the full story.
How do I tell them what I’ve been doing with Sloan all this time? How do I tell them that I was so exhausted from my family, my responsibilities, football, everything that I wanted a woman to overpower me in the bedroom just to give my mind a fucking break? How could they possibly not take that personally? I’ve shouldered their burdens for years, yet I wasn’t willing to share mine with them.
This isn’t a battle my brothers can fight with me. They can’t see me like this. I can’t let them find out about my arrangement with Sloan. I also can’t show them how much it fucking guts me that Sloan chose to hide something—someone—so monumentally important from me. She kept a child’s entire existence from me. What the fuck does that mean?
I’ve spent my entire life using my head to handle things and look where that’s gotten me. Perhaps now it’s time to say “fuck it” and use my heart for once. My heart is not submissive, though. It will not surrender.
It will fight back.
I’M SHAKING WHENIFINALLYget Sophia to bed. Positively trembling with rage, adrenaline, fear. All of the above. Not only am I upset with Callum for putting Sophia into a soccer session without consulting me, but he actually picked her up from school on my week! He wouldn’t give me two hours on Thanksgiving, but he thought it was fine to put Sophia’s health at risk on a day that is mine? How dare he!
Normally, she goes to an after school club for the hour or two I need to finish my day out. I wouldn’t have even known Sophia left if her teacher hadn’t emailed to let me know that she forgot her art assignment on her desk that needs to be done for tomorrow. When I called Callum to find out where Sophia was, he gave me some bullshit response that he was going to drop her back before I arrived. Oh, and he said it was for a good cause, like he’s ever been generous a day in his life!
When I saw my daughter on that field, I saw red. The wrench in this insanely mucked-up mix was Gareth. I didn’t see him until I was already halfway out on the field, so deep in mama bear mode that there was no way to stop myself from blowing up my whole life.
I knew the moment I took hold of Sophia’s hand I lost something that wasn’t even completely mine to lose. Gareth will never forgive me for blatantly lying to him.
Now that the dust has settled—now that Sophia is safe and back under my roof—the realisation of everything I’ve lost is finally sinking in.
No more Astbury. No more escape. Empowerment. Freedom. Sexual discovery…
No more Gareth.
My dark days when Sophia is gone will return, and I must own the fact that keeping Sophia a secret was probably the biggest mistake of my life. An even bigger one than marrying Callum Coleridge.
That heavy notion hits me like a ton of bricks as I hurry down the steps and yank open my front door. Manchester winters have nothing on Chicago, but the cool December night air is exactly what I need as I come to terms with everything.
I exhale slowly and watch the cloud of air form by my lips when a set of headlights come to a stop on the side of the road in front of my house. It’s an unfamiliar vehicle, so I squint to see who’s in the driver’s seat.
My heart completely stops when I see Gareth unfold his giant frame out of the car. He slams the door shut in a huff and looks straight at me as I stand beneath the dim yellow lighting on my porch. I pull my cardigan tightly around my body as he makes his way toward my short cast iron fence.
Instead of walking down to the gate opening near my driveway, he grips the fence and hauls himself over the railing in one swift, athletic move. He cuts through the grass in my direction. Once his dark figure is illuminated by the light, I see with great clarity that Gareth ispissed.
I swallow.
His nostrils flare.
I swallow again.
His jaw grinds from side-to-side.
I drag in a deep breath as he exhales a long, heavy sigh, forming his own puff of cold air.
“H—how did you find where I live?” I stammer, finally breaking the silence.
His hazel eyes narrow. “Your ex.”
My hands fly up to cover my face. This day couldn’t get any worse. “Where did you see my ex?” I mumble against my palms, barely able to look at Gareth knowing that he’s actually spoken to Callum.
