Page 33 of Dominate
“What are the right parts?”
He chomps down on his lower lip and his eyes narrow as he stares up at the sky. “The parts that are burned into my brain for the rest of my fucking life.”
His gaze finds mine again, the moonlight and water reflecting in his eyes.
“Gareth—”
“It’s not bloody fair! He gets to walk Vi down the aisle and play happy grandpa with Rocky like a normal dad or grandfather, or whatever the fuck he is now. Great for him. But why now? Why after I have done all the work? Why, after I’ve sacrificed my entire fucking youth for our family, does he get to come in and take all the glory? We don’t need him anymore! Everyone’s happy. Everyone’s married, or getting married, or having children. Everyone’s settled. Well, except me. I’m too fucked-up to figure my own fucking life out.”
“You’re not fucked-up!” I exclaim, my hands balling into fists from the anger that courses through me over him speaking about himself this way.
“I told you I was there when my fucking mum died, Sloan,” he states, taking a step closer to me as he pounds his chest. “The second she took her last breath, I felt it beneath my cheek like needles pricking all over my body. You don’t think that’s going to fuck a kid up for life? It has. I can’t forget that sensation. That moment. That touch. I had to be so brave those last few months she was alive because my father couldn’t be. I was only a bit older than Sophia, and I was the only one there to comfort her. Can you imagine that responsibility for your daughter?”
“No,” I croak with a small cry, my voice trembling with complete fear over the thought of it.
“When my mother was in pain, I let her squeeze my hand,” he states, holding his palm out to me for proof. “And it wasn’t always just physical pain. It was emotional, too. My father broke her heart and she still loved him through it just like my siblings still love him unconditionally now. I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“Neither can I,” I reply honestly, his face blurring from the tears in my eyes.
“That’s why I can’t stomach the fact that he’s calling her the love of his life and speaking openly about her again. It’s too much. She’s mine now, you know? Not his. She was my best friend, and he lost the right to talk about her the second he chose to be angry at her for dying.” He leans over and braces his hands on his knees, the pain overtaking his entire body.
“Gareth, I’m so sorry.” I make a move to hold him, but he straightens quickly and backs away from me again.
“I used to try to shove him out the door when he was yelling at her, but he was too big and too strong. It was like pushing a wall.” Gareth’s hands shake in front of him as he demonstrates the act.
“Gareth,” I croak, tears falling down my cheeks. I can hardly bear to hear any more.
“I have nightmares about that weak feeling. About screaming at him with no sound coming out. About pushing him but him never budging. He always made me feel so powerless. That’s why I fucking craved control in everything else in my life. Until…” He shakes his head and swallows hard, not wanting to finish his last thought.
“Until what?” I urge because whatever it is must be important.
His hazel eyes find mine and pin me with a fierce, terrifying look. “Until you.”
My breath catches in my throat, a knot forming that’s so big, I don’t know how I’m still upright and breathing. My voice is a whisper when I ask, “What do you mean?”
He stares back at me with so much intensity, so much certainty, so much passion. “It was you, Sloan. You changed my entire thought process. Surrendering to you gave me a freedom that I’d never felt before. I’ve never experienced trust like that with anyone. Not even my siblings. I haven’t trusted them with memories of our mum. I haven’t trusted that they could handle their own problems. I’ve always justcontrolledthem. But there’s something about you that fucking frees me, but the freedom terrifies me.”
My mind reels from his declaration, the emotions in my body crashing on top of each other like the waves on the shore. “Why are you scared?”
“Because if I try to control you, you might bolt.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You ran once, Sloan.”
“I came back,” I state firmly, grabbing his face in my hands and not caring that he’s wincing under my touch.
“But for how long?” He looks down, shaking his head like he doesn’t know how to accept what’s right in front of him. Like he doesn’t know how to accept me anymore. “You’re strong on your own and you have Sophia. My brothers have their partners. Vi has Hayden and Rocky. I have no one.”
He pulls back from my grasp and tips his face up toward the sky.
“You have me,” I say softly, letting the feeling of his earlier words take life inside of me. Recalling the words he stated about being proud of me for protecting Sophia on the soccer field. Remembering all the times he helped me feel strong when I was crumbling on the inside. He has me, body and soul. I just need to prove it to him.
“Look at me, Gareth. Now,” I demand. His eyes snap open in response to the firm tone that I’ve used on him countless times. “You have me.”
With a deep breath, I take a slow step back from him and, without breaking eye contact, I lower to my knees and splay my hands out on my thighs.
“What are you doing, Sloan?” he croaks, a deep husk of need in his voice that causes my thighs to squeeze.
