Page 47 of Dominate
“Perfection,” I reply against his chest, unable to lift my head to look at him right now.
His body shakes with amusement. “I’d have to agree. But we’re perfect in other ways, too.”
I nuzzle up to him, my body soaking in the heat of him like a cat lying in the sun. “I’d have to agree as well.”
He continues playing with my hair and eventually adds, “I think in sexual terms, they call this rolling.”
I look up at him, propping my chin on his chest, and reply, “I think I call this Gareth and Sloan.”
After a quick shower, Gareth and I are lying naked in bed together, clean, satiated, and spooning like a couple that’s been doing this for years instead of months. He’s completely wrapped around me, holding me and caring for me. This man—this crazy, incredible man—is actuallywithme. It’s still hard for me to believe that a human being like Gareth Harris exists in the world, let alone is sleeping in bed beside me. We are so different from what I had with Callum. I was never myself in all my years with Cal. I was always what I needed to be. But Gareth lets me be who Iwantto be, which is something I didn’t even realise I so desperately needed.
This realisation is a lot to take in at once. The overwhelming emotion I feel toward Gareth is like a volcano inside of me that’s pushing to erupt.
“Sloan,” Gareth’s hoarse voice croaks into the dim moonlight illuminating our bright white bed. “Are you still awake?”
“Yes.”
“Are you happy?” he asks, his voice tender.
I inhale quickly, my heart growing inside my chest in response to his simple question. “Very much.”
“What are you happy about specifically?” he asks and we both tremble with silent laughter.
“Us,” I eventually reply, unable to wipe the smile off my face.
“Anything more you want to share with the class?” he asks and tweaks my side playfully before nuzzling his face in my hair.
I choose my next words carefully. “I don’t think I’ve been this happy without Sophia beside me in a long, long time. I didn’t know what I was missing.”
Gareth grows quiet for a moment before asking, “How do you mean?”
My eyes look upward when I think back to how dense I’ve been. “I didn’t realise how much I truly settled with Callum. My mother terrified me about how difficult it is to raise a child alone. She was actually extremely vocal about wanting me to get an abortion. Made an appointment for me and everything without even asking.”
“Jesus.”
“I know,” I reply with a sad huff. “An abortion was never something I’d consider for myself, but she didn’t care about my feelings. And neither her nor my sisters wanted me to marry Callum initially. But I was so desperate to give Sophia a different life than I had, you know? I wanted a complete family for her. A mother and a father. Stability. Now I’m sure they’re dying to say, ‘I told you so.’”
“You don’t know that, Sloan,” Gareth coos in my ear, squeezing my hip affectionately.
I exhale and shake my head. “I just wonder what might have been if I’d never married Cal.”
After a long pause, Gareth pulls me closer, his hand wrapping around my wrist as our arms entwine across my bare chest. His lips tickle my ear when he whispers, “But if you never married him, you wouldn’t be here with me right now.”
My chin quivers as his reply shoots through my body and causes tears to prick behind my eyes. I sniff softly and ask, “Does that mean you’re happy, too?”
“Are you joking?” he retorts, dropping a kiss on the side of my neck. “I’m completely happy. I didn’t know what I was missing either.”
I blink and allow the silent tears to fall freely out of my eyes and onto the pillow, grateful for our position so he can’t see how much his words mean to me.
He tightens his hold on me and adds, “I never knew I could be like this with a woman. Ever. I think that after seeing my mum die, I got it in my head that women are fragile. It’s why I was so protective of Vi and her choices in men. It’s also why I never found a woman I was comfortable enough to really let go with. I put up a wall because I was scared of hurting someone. I never trusted myself with anyone enough to do what I did with you.”
He kisses my shoulder and pulls me in closer. So close our breaths synchronise with one another. So close I can feel the pulse of his veins against my skin.
His chest vibrates on my back as he continues. “Since the second my mum died, I’ve had this discomfort lodged in my chest. Like I was constantly holding my breath and couldn’t let it out. I never knew how to get rid of it, so I just got used to it. I got used to the pain and forgot what it was like to feel good. To let that breath out.
“Then, when you came to my house that night and asked me to kneel, it felt like I fucking exhaled for the first time since I was eight years old. You gave me so much strength by simply letting me surrender. Strength I didn’t realise I was missing.
“Now that I’ve completely fallen in love with you, I can inhale and exhale over and over, and there’s all the air in the world for me because you’re beside me.”
