Page 84 of Dominate
I couldn’t believe how awful of a person he was to not give his only daughter an article of clothing from her only mother.
I hated him so much.
Now, I understand who that man was so many years ago.
He was heartbroken. He was heartbroken because the woman he loved died.
She fucking died.
The past few days, I have felt like my life is over and no one even died. Sloan is fine. Healthy and fine. Rich, and thriving, and independent. She has a daughter who loves her. Money to make all their dreams come true. She’s alive.
And I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
I move to the window, then hear a creak behind me. My head snaps to see my father standing in the doorway. His chest is high, like he’s holding his breath as he takes in the room before him. He stares closely at every square inch like even a speck of dirt will hold a memory.
His hands tighten on the doorframe as he clears his throat and states in a hoarse voice, “I haven’t been up here in years.”
I watch him carefully, silently, nervously. He looks haunted but determined as he prepares to walk in. I turn to gaze at the space and reply, “It’s not my favourite room of the house, I’ll tell you that much.”
He forces a tight smile and gingerly takes a step in. “Nor mine.”
I slide my hands into my jeans pockets and tip back on my heels. “I was drawn up here for some reason today.”
He nods and makes his way over to where I stand, looking out the window as he replies, “Your mother was always good in a crisis.”
I exhale heavily. “Is that what my life is now? A crisis?”
Dad turns and leans one shoulder against the wall by the window, the sunlight pouring in and casting shadows over the lines of his face and illuminating the grey scruff on his jaw. “I’m sorry for what’s happened with Sloan, Gareth.”
“I really messed it up good,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders and crossing my arms over my chest. “I didn’t trust Sloan to make her own decisions. I broke Sophia’s heart and I alienated her father—a man who will always be in their lives no matter what. There’s no way I can get back what I’ve lost.”
Dad nods somberly. “It seems you were acting like you had lost already.”
My brow furrows at his unexpected response. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, you were assuming the worst from her. You thought she’d move away. You thought she’d take her ex-husband back. It’s almost like you were grieving her before she even left you. Similar to what I did when your mother was ill.”
His words barrel through me like a punch to the gut. “I wasn’t grieving her. I just sensed that she no longer needed me in her life like she did when her marriage first fell apart.”
“You were protecting yourself.”
“From what?”
“From unimaginable pain. Gareth, I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when you’d give your heart to someone. I thought you lost that part of you when your mother died. But when I saw Sloan standing over you in that hospital bed, defending you so fervently, I knew I was wrong. And bloody hell, son, when you woke up and looked at her, I saw how hard you had fallen.
“But you have never been a man who does well sitting idle. You jump in and handle situations. You are proactive, not reactive. But dating a single mother comes with things you can’t control. And I think the deeper your feelings grew for Sloan and Sophia, the more afraid you became.”
“You’re damn right I’m afraid. Sophia deserves a father and, no matter what I do, I’ll never be that to her. That’s genetics. It’s not something I can change.”
“Being a father isn’t a birthright, Gareth. You should know that better than anyone.” He gestures downstairs, his eyes narrowing as he shakes his head. “You have an entire hoard of well-meaning, nosey buggers who love you unconditionally. They won’t let you fall. They won’t let you break. They will glue you back together and make things whole again no matter how much you try to fall apart. It’s not about calling yourself a father. It’s about letting them be your family. Sloan and Sophia are your family, Gareth.”
A painful knot forms in my throat from his words. Words that I long to be true. “What if I said and did things I can’t come back from?”
“Rubbish,” he growls and straightens to stare hard into my eyes. “The love of a true family is unconditional. I mean, bloody hell, look at all I’ve done in my past, yet you still manage to tolerate me.”
I can’t help but smile at his flippant remark. The ease to which he admits his mistakes now. He is a completely different person than who he was before but, deep down, I know this understanding man was always in there. He just lost sight of that part of himself for a while.
“I more than tolerate you, Dad,” I exhale heavily and place a hand on his shoulder. “I love you.”
