Page 76 of Payback
Mia and Ava talk a mile a minute, giving me a fast and furious tour of Cape Town in the car on the way to Roan’s grandmother’s house. It’s a bustling city situated in a valley of mountains, the most notable being Table Mountain National Park. Every hilltop we go over offers sweeping views of gorgeous scenery of water and beaches. The wine farms are nearby as well.
Roan smiles from the front seat at me in the back, sandwiched between his two sisters. He looks at me like this is the most normal thing in the world as they jump from subject to subject like little frogs hopping from lily pad to lily pad. I do my best to listen politely, but I am silently freaking out that he’s done all this without telling me. Meeting the family is a big deal. A a very big deal. I still can’t believe I’m actually here. In Cape Town. With Roan’s family. I’m not even sure this isn’t some delirious jet lag illusion.
But I’m here, looking at the faces of my boyfriend’s family, who all look very different from each other. I recall Roan telling me the girls had a different father than him and it’s quite obvious. Their pale colouring is just like their mother’s, apart from their sandy brown hair. Roan, on the other hand, has darker features. It is his extended family we are on our way to visit right now.
We arrive in a neighbourhood called Bo-Kaap, which features brightly coloured, two-story houses that remind me of Easter eggs. They are situated on hilly, cobblestone streets that look like they belong on a postcard. We park in front of a small, lemon-yellow coloured home, and I can already hear laughter coming from inside as we get out of the car.
“How many people are in there?” I ask Roan, feeling nervous heat clawing up my neck as he walks around the car and takes my hand.
He smiles proudly. “Probably a dozen or more.”
Roan’s mother strides up to the white, gated front door while I pause, feeling dizzy. I pull Roan away from the house. “We need to talk,” I state quietly, my eyes pleading with his for a moment.
He furrows his brow and looks over his shoulder at his family. “Go ahead, guys. We’ll be right behind you.”
Roan’s mom holds the door open for the girls and offers me a sympathetic half-smile.
As soon as the door closes, I let go of Roan’s hand and run my hands through my hair, barely holding it together. “Holy shit, Roan. What are we doing here?”
“What do you mean?” he asks, reaching out to pull me into his arms.
I jerk away from him, shaking my hands out like I’m preparing to run a 5k race , or maybe more like I just finished one with the way my heart is racing in my chest. “We’re in Cape Town! I just met your mother and sisters. Now we’re walking into your grandmother’s house?”
“Yes, they do a Sunday Braai every week. It’s like a backyard barbeque with family and neighbours. It’s very causal and really not a big deal.” He steps forward to clasp my face in his hands for a kiss, but I pull back again.
“This is a very big deal!” I exclaim, ignoring the heavy sigh he releases over my emotional reaction. “I’m filthy, I look like crap, and you thought it’d be a good idea for me to meet your family without warning me first? This is the definition of a big deal.”
He tilts his head, eyeing me warily for a moment as he assesses my reaction to this crazy idea of his. “Do you want to leave?” he asks in a guarded tone.
“No!” I retort, propping my hands on my hips. “How the heck would that look?”
“What do you want then, Lis?” he snaps, losing his patience with me.
I step closer to him and shake my fists between us in frustration. “I want you to tell me why you chose to spring this on me.”
He exhales heavily, his eyes narrowing. “Because I wasn’t sure you’d come if I asked you in advance.”
His response stings. “Why would you think that?”
He licks his lips and rubs them together for a moment. “Because that’s sort of our rhythm, Lis. I always want more and you always want less.”
My jaw drops, my eyes taking in the hurt in his body language that he’s apparently been hiding from me for quite some time. “Why do you say that?”
“You didn’t want to date me when we first met. You didn’t want to tell your family about dating me. And now you don’t want me to go to Chicago with you, which actually fucking kills me because I know how hard that trip is going to be for you. I’d say it’s pretty clear that you want less.”
His words are like a guilt-soaked knife straight through my heart. I don’t want him with me in Chicago because I’m terrified of what Rosalie would do if she saw him. Not because I want less from him.
I reach out for his jacket and pull him in close. All this time we’ve been together, he has seemed so confident and at ease with where we’re at. This is the first time he’s shown me that he’s not one hundred percent secure with us.
I hate it.
When our bodies are flush together, I look up and say, “I don’t want less.”
He looks away, his jaw muscles ticking with frustration.
I turn his face to mine. “I don’t want less. I just…My family is complicated. Not wanting you to go with me to Chicago has more to do with them than you. That’s all.”
He closes his eyes and takes a long, deep breath I feel through his chest. As he lets it out slowly, his eyes open and his guarded gaze softens as he looks down at me. “My family is complicated, too. Really complicated. It doesn’t change the fact that I want you to meet them.”
