Page 66 of Blindsided
“Did you sleep well?” Sloan asks from across the table, eyeing me curiously.
“Very,” I reply and lift the bubbles to my mouth. “What time did the guys get going?”
“Six A.M.,” Poppy says with wide eyes. “Booker was obnoxious as he was stomping around and struggling to get his kilt on this morning.”
“I didn’t even hear Mac leave,” I say with a shrug.
“That’s because he was getting dressed in the hallway,” Indie says with a laugh. “I came out to go look for Camden’s mobile and got an eyeful of Mac’s bare arse as he pulled up his kilt right in the hallway. I think he was trying not to wake you.”
I roll my eyes. “Shocking. I’m sure he’s not wearing boxers today either.”
“I was dying laughing watching you and Mac the other day at Kindred Spirits,” Vi says, turning her blue eyes to me. “The way you two fight like an old married couple is the cutest thing I have ever seen.”
“We’re more like mortal enemies,” I state with a huff.
Vi shakes her head. “Whatever you are, I love it. When will you two crazy kids just admit you fancy each other?”
The girls all turn expectant eyes to me, and I feel my cheeks begin to heat. “We don’t fancy each other,” I reply woodenly. “Men and women can be just friends, you know.”
“Not men and women who look at each other the way you two do,” Belle says, flicking her dark glossy hair over her shoulder and pinning me with a look. “I remember looking at Tanner like that, and it was right before he proposed to me.”
The ladies all squeal with excitement, and my lips purse defensively. “Well, you’re a great deal different than I am, I’m afraid.” I say with an awkward laugh.
“What do you mean?” Belle asks, furrowing her brow.
I exhale heavily. Belle may not be rail thin like the other ladies at this table, but she’s curvy like a Kardashian with dark hair and dark eyes. Basically every man’s pornographic fantasy. We are not cut from the same plus-sized cloth.
The women are all looking at me with that same blank stare, and it’s aggravating. “Look, I don’t think it’s any secret that I look different than all of you ladies.”
“We all look different,” Allie argues, with a challenging glint in her eyes.
“There’s different,” I state with a laugh and then stare down at my champagne like somehow it can save me. “And then there’s me. Look, it’s not an insecurity thing. I’m just being pragmatic. I have traits that I love about myself. My love of cats and ponies makes me quirky, my ability to quilt and alter clothing is top-notch. I even have some design ideas that I’d love to talk to Sloan and Leslie about down the road. I think I’m quite funny when I want to be, and I know I’m a really good friend. But my appearance is one thing that I can’t change, and because of that, I’ll probably never get married or procreate, but I’m okay with all of that. Because I’m a realist, and there’s a big wide world out there that exists without true love.”
I take a fortifying sip of my mimosa, drinking nearly half the contents in one big gulp.
“You’re disillusioned is what you are,” Allie says with a bark of a laugh. “You are completely blind to your unique beauty, Freya. Seriously, don’t you see how you’re the type of person who belongs on the cover of magazines?”
“No!” I reply with an awkward laugh. “I honestly don’t.”
“Fuck magazines actually,” Allie replies quickly. “I shouldn’t have said that because the magazines are the ones making us feel like there’s only one way to be beautiful. You’re gorgeous, Freya, and your inner voice is an evil, lying cunt.”
“What?” I reply with a laugh.
Allie shrugs her shoulders. “It’s true. We all have that bitchy little voice that tells us lies about ourselves. Lies that we think are true. Like for me…I don’t feel like I deserve Roan because of how much I hurt him last year with that stupid video I made. We’re getting married in a week, and he still has to remind me that I’m forgiven.”
“Allie, that’s awful.” I reach over to grab her hand. “Roan loves you so much. One mistake doesn’t change how deserving of him you are.”
“But it’s the story she tells herself because of self-preservation,” Sloan adds with a wobble to her voice. “She says it to herself because if the worst-case scenario comes to fruition, she thinks it won’t break her then. But I can tell you from experience, you’ll break regardless.”
Everyone’s focus turns to Sloan as she continues, “My daughter had cancer, and even though she’s been in remission for years now and has a clean bill of health, I still hold my breath every time she complains of pain.”
“Oh, Sloan.” I inhale deeply at her very vulnerable words, which bring me right back to the year I lived with her and Sophia.
“But your inner voice is a lying cunt!” Allie adds again and pounds her fist on the table.
Sloan smiles at Allie’s insistence and nods her agreement.
Leslie stands up, and says, “My father was an abusive asshole to my mom, and anytime Theo gets remotely angry, I tell myself that he could be just like him, when I know in my heart that will never happen.”
