Page 82 of Blindsided
“Yeah, fuck,” Roan repeats. “Fuck me because then, Vaughn, who can make or break my career had to tell me that my fucking best friend, whom I just offered up my life for, left the team by choice without telling me a damn thing about it!”
I drop my head, unable to look him in the eyes. “I was going to call you when you got back.”
“Oh, how kind of you, Mac. Thanks for throwing the dog a bone.”
“I didn’t want to ruin your honeymoon.”
“No, just ruin my football season. Ruin our team’s season. The only reason the Harris Brothers aren’t up here dragging you home is because they were convinced you were in the middle of a mental breakdown. Because only a fucking idiot would leave a team that’s in their prime like we are right now.”
“You don’t know the full story,” I state through clenched teeth.
“Then tell me. Why Mac? Why would you leave now? We’ve got everything we ever wanted with Bethnal Green. Everything we’ve ever dreamt of and worked our whole fucking lives for. You’ve put football first your entire life, so why the hell are you making moves like this that don’t make any sense without talking to me about it?”
“My grandad is dying, Roan,” I say, my shoulders slumped in defeat. “I found out that weekend we were all in Scotland.”
Roan blinks at me in shock.
“I’ve been visiting him every day between trainings. He’s bad, Roan. Worse than when you met him. At this rate—” my voice cracks as emotions overwhelm me. “At this rate, I don’t even know if he’ll make it to the season opener, which was the whole reason I went through all of this.”
“Ag man,” Roan says, grabbing me around the arms and pulling me into a hug.
And with that one touch of tender human compassion, I crumple into his arms and weep like a wee fucking babe.
I can’t help it. I’ve been holding it all in these last two weeks…with my grandad, with my parents, my sister. I’ve been trying to be strong and make them all believe that I’m happy about this decision to come back to Glasgow. That it was an easy choice. But none of this move has been easy. I miss my friends. I miss my teammates, my coaches, my manager.
I miss Freya.
Fuck, I miss her so damned much, my guts are in knots every fucking day. For years I was a football player that bounced from one team to the next without a care in the world. I was the guy that could fit in everywhere. I was the man who knew how to roll with the punches. Losing Freya isn’t a punch I’ve ever experienced. Losing her has knocked me the fuck out.
“I’m truly sorry, Mac,” Roan says, holding my shaking body against his like I’m his child, even though I have several inches on him. “I wish I’d known. I wish you would have told me.”
“You would have talked me out of it,” I say, pulling back and aggressively swiping at my tears. “Everybody would have, and my mind was made up. I didn’t want to have to defend myself.”
Roan nods thoughtfully. “I respect you for it, and I’m sorry to hear about your grandad. He’s a good man.”
I nod, and a painful knot forms in my throat. “The world won’t be the same without that grumpy old git.”
“I’m glad you’re getting some time with him. That’s important.” Roan grips my shoulder, and we share a moment of silence before he asks, “How’s your new team?”
I glance back at the training grounds. “They all think I’m mental.”
“Well, it sounds like they have a good read on you.”
I shake my head and give him a shove. “How are things back at home?”
“The team is good, finished their preseason camp already, and I’m playing catch up. But I’ll be joining in on the friendlies in a couple of weeks as a substitute now, and be back as a starter soon, they expect.”
I nod, my jaw ticking with anxiety as I add, “And everyone else?”
Roan’s brows pinch together. “Are you talking about Freya?”
I nod stiffly. “She won’t return any of my calls.”
Roan leans back onto my car and crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t know much because Freya won’t open up to Allie either. Allie says she’s never seen Freya so closed off. You two are maybe more alike than you realise.”
My brows lift curiously. “I just wish she’d answer my fucking calls. I thought our friendship was stronger than that.” I move to lean on the car next to Roan. “I can’t believe she let me moving to Scotland ruin our friendship. It’s not like I moved overseas.”
Roan turns his head to stare at me like I’m speaking another language. “I told you sleeping with friends when feelings get involved is dangerous.”
