Page 99 of One Moment Please
His lips thin. “I’m not going to talk about him.”
“Josh, you loved him, so youshouldtalk about him.”
“I’m not going to talk about Julian,” he grinds, his voice laced with anger. “I’m not going to talk about any of it.”
“You’re not dealing with it, though.” I move toward him so I can look up into his eyes. “You’re masking it. Masking it will only make your grief worse.”
He cocks his head and eyes me harshly. “I’ve told you not to psychoanalyze me, Jones.”
“Well, clearly someone needs to.” This is the wall he’s built.Thisis the divide between us. “Kayla says you don’t talk to anyone from Baltimore anymore.”
“Stop it, Lynsey.”
“Josh—”
“Enough,” he snaps, and the angry veins in his neck give my heart a jolt.
He turns on his heel and storms past me toward the bedroom. I follow because this is the first glimpse of a real explanation I’ve gotten for the way he is, and if he could just deal with this and push through it, then maybe we could be a family. Maybe he could be open to love again.
I stand in the doorway as Josh changes out of his scrubs into a pair of joggers. His body is taut as he yanks a T-shirt off the shelf.
“That letter is from Julian’s father, isn’t it?” I cross my arms over my chest.
He heaves an exhale, all of his abs visible with that one breath. “Why can’t you just leave it?”
“You should open it.”
“I don’t need to open it.”
“Why?”
“Because I know what it will say.”
“What will it say?”
“That I screwed up!” he growls, his voice deep and thundering. “That I killed his fucking kid. That I’m a monster.”
My heart lurches at the pain in his words that vibrate through the closet as he walks out to face me at the doorway. I steel myself to sound confident when I reply, “You don’t know that. Maybe he’s forgiven you.”
Josh narrows his eyes. “I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”
“Well, maybeIdo.” I grab the shirt, halting him from putting it on for a moment so he can look me in the eyes. “Maybe I deserve to see you forgive yourself so we can be more.”
He closes his eyes as if in pain. “This isn’t about us.”
“I know it’s not, but can’t you see this is all connected?”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter if it is. I screwed up, and it cost my best friend his son’s life.”
“You’re human, Josh.” My voice wavers with the pain still radiating off him. “You’re not perfect.”
“I was, though,” he snaps, his tall frame bowing over me as his fiery green eyes connect with mine. “I’ve been perfect my whole damn life. Until Julian. Until you. Until this.”
He gestures to my belly.
I instinctually place my hand over our baby. “So, getting me pregnant was all a mistake?”
“Of course it was,” he booms, his temper boiling over.
