Page 64 of One Moment Please
“Are you two engaged?” she asks, her eyes wide and hungry over the prospect that I could be engaged to a doctor, never mind the fact that she’s never met the man.
“Oh, my God, you’re not the caterer,” Josh’s mom exclaims, clapping her hands to her cheeks. “I’m such a fool…are you Josh’s wife? Did you two elope?” Lana’s voice reaches a high-pitch squeal as she looks elated at the notion. “I’d given up on Josh ever being happy again, so this news would just—”
“You’d better not have eloped,” my mother tuts, her voice harsh and displeased. “A marriage is not even real unless it takes place in Catholic church.”
“Excuse me?” Josh’s mom exclaims, holding her hand to her shocked chest.
“Well, that’s our belief,” my mom states, reaching over and holding my obviously uncomfortable dad’s hand. “You are welcome to yours, but if it didn’t happen inside a church, then it didn’t happen in the eyes of God.”
Lana laughs. “That’s not how my God sees it.”
My mom narrows her eyes. “And who isyourGod?”
A slow smile spreads on Lana’s face. “The same one as yours, but a bit less homophobic and self-righteous.”
My mother gasps, and I slam my hands on the table to stop them. “We’re not married. We’re not engaged. We’re not even in a relationship!” The enormously fake smile on my face stretches to capacity as if I’m auditioning for the role of the Joker because I’m certain they can see my molars right now.
Josh watches me expectantly, his glass of red wine frozen in front of his lips as he seems almost amused by my discomfort.
I take a deep breath in and state as calmly as I can, “We’re having a baby.”
The table goes completely silent.
The quiet goes on and on.Wait—am I in the middle of a horrible nightmare? Maybe I’m about to wake up.
Reality pummels its way back in when my mother weeps noisily.
“There, there, Sue,” my dad says, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “It’s alright.”
“Guess you’re an idiot about more than just home renovations.” Harvey lets out a laugh as he takes a drink of his wine. Lana elbows him in the ribs. “It’s just a joke.”
Lana turns her wide eyes to me as she glances down. “How…far along are you?”
I touch my belly, and reply, “Twenty weeks.”
She smiles. “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?”
My mother’s head shoots up from my father’s shoulder as she waits for my reply.
I smile and look at Josh. “We decided we wanted to be surprised.”
“Like you haven’t had enough surprises!” my mother cries, a sob bubbling up her throat. “Honestly, Lynsey…how could you have relations before marriage?”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “Mom, I’m twenty-seven. You can’t honestly be surprised.”
“I honestly can!” She looks at my dad. “Can you believe what our daughter is out there doing, Darren? This is why we should have made her move in with us while she went back to school. She had it too easy in Mom’s townhouse. No sense of responsibility. No sense of morals.”
“It’s okay,” my dad says, rubbing her arm gently.
“Well, I for one think this baby is a miracle,” Lana says, turning everyone’s attention away from my mother’s hysteria. She looks at Josh, and her eyes well with tears. “After what happened in Baltimore…I just…I never expected you to be a father.”
I frown at Josh. “Baltimore?”
Josh face pales, all humor draining from his face, sharply replaced by anger. “That’s enough, Mother.”
She turns back to me, her eyes blinking with tears. “It’s a miracle. You’re a miracle.”
“I’m not—”
