Page 56 of Replay
“Because I’m over it. I was just so happy for my brother.”
I run my hand up and down her spine. “But is it something you ever truly get over?”
She doesn’t answer that, just sags into my arms and lets me hold her as the weight of the moment settles around us. Most of the time, Tilly is tough and untouchable. But even five years ago, I remember these quiet moments when she opened up like a butterfly. The only problem was, no one could ever catch her.
She pulls back and smiles up at me through watery eyes. “I’m going to be an amazing aunt, I’ll have you know. And aunts have it so much easier, right? We get to drop the wee ones off when we’re done with them. Spoil them rotten and not be bothered with middle of the night feedings or sore nipples. It’s brilliant, really.”
I push her hair back from her face, swiping at the trail of leftover tears. “I think you’re incredible.”
“Why?” she huffs with a laugh, turning away from me and resisting my words.
“Because you’ve coped with a lot, and now you’re here volunteering to be a caretaker for your pregnant sister-in-law…most wouldn’t be able to handle it.” She turns back to look at me, and I don’t miss the slight twitch to her nose as she ponders what I’ve said.
“I love them.” She lifts her eyebrows and shrugs. “And I like a challenge.”
“This I already knew.” I lean down to kiss her lips softly, loving how she wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me like she needs a hug and a kiss all at once. When her stomach grumbles between the two of us, we break apart laughing. “We really need to get this dinner going.”
“Yes, we do.”
We manage not to burn anything, mostly because I keep Tilly away from the oven, and she sets the table beautifully. We take our time eating the antipasto, primo, and secondo. Tilly savours each course and asks questions about how I made everything even though I know she will never attempt it.
When I bring out the cannoli and make us espressos, apparently, it’s Tilly’s turn to ask me the tough questions.
“Have you ever been in love?” she inquires, clutching her espresso cup. She’s seated right beside me, curled into her chair with her legs tucked under her chin.
“With cannoli? Every bloody day of my life.” I take a bite, relishing in the light crunch of the pastry and the gooey sweet centre.
“Don’t avoid the question.” She pins me with a look. “You hit me with the deep questions before we’d even had starters.”
I grimace and sit back in my chair, turning in my stool so my legs are spread around her chair. “I can’t say that I have.”
“Not even when you were young?” She sets her mug down and props her chin on her hand. “Teenage love can be silly, but it’s still love.”
I shrug. “No, not even then.”
“How is that possible?” she asks me pointedly. “You told me you’ve been seriously dating women for a few years now. Are you saying none of them wormed their way into your dark Italian heart?”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I never felt it.”
“Did they feel it towards you?” Her brows knit together in curiosity.
“I don’t know. One or two maybe.” I ring the edge of my mug, avoiding her eyes.
She inhales sharply and touches my thigh. “They loved you, and you…what? Said nothing?”
“God, you won’t let this go, will you?” I laugh and comb my fingers through hers, holding her hand on my lap. “If they said it and I didn’t feel the same way, that was usually when I ended things. I didn’t want to lead anyone on.”
“Maybe you just weren’t patient enough?”
“If it was the right person, I would have known.” I squeeze her hand playfully and reach out to grab my mug. “The two-month chump label I have been stuck with is because I figured out that if I gave women two full months, I’d be able to walk away with certainty.”
“Interesting,” Tilly replies with a frown. “A bit clinical for love, I’d say.”
“I have no regrets, so it must have worked.”
She licks her lips, disbelief still painted all over her gorgeous face. “It’s just strange because you have great examples of love in front of you. Your grandparents seem very stable. Your mum and Bart look like they get on well. I’m just trying to figure out why you wouldn’t have fallen in love once by now?”
I exhale and then give her the only answer I can without unloading a lifetime’s worth of baggage on her. “Perhaps it’s because I never knew my own father so the thought of a man and a woman loving each other through anything just seemed like a load of bollocks.”
