Page 75 of Replay
I cringe and wrinkle my nose. “I’m afraid not.”
“Why not?” she asks, her face the picture of confusion.
“I’m…seeing someone.” Wow, saying that out loud is actually a lot freakier than I thought it would be. “It just got serious.”
“Oh, really? Who?” Belle inquires, looking intrigued.
I bite my lip anxiously. “Santino Rossi.”
“Oh my God!”
I hold my hands up. “Mac doesn’t know yet.”
“Protective big brother alert?” Belle asks knowingly.
“Protective, big,Scottishbrother alert. He’s on a whole other level.”
Belle nods and smiles. “Well, I’m highly familiar with dating someone my family doesn’t approve of. But as adults, your family is just there on the weekends, you know? The person you fall in love with is there every day. That’s who you make your own family with…babies and all.”
She begins rustling with her chart, having no idea that her comment has triggered a thought in me that I haven’t truly considered until right this moment. “Belle, can I ask you a weird medical question?”
“You and anyone who ever runs into me at a party.” She laughs and gives me her full attention. “Hit me.”
I inhale deeply. “If a person has had a miscarriage before…what are the odds that they’ll have a miscarriage again?”
Belle’s brows knit. “How far along was the pregnancy?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Nine weeks?”
She nods knowingly. “First trimester miscarriages are very common, and the odds of another miscarriage are basically the same as if the patient had never miscarried.”
I chew my lip. “Got it.”
She tilts her head. “It was an intrauterine pregnancy, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“It wasn’t in your tubes, was it?”
My face heats with embarrassment. “No. It wasn’t.”
She smiles reassuringly. “Then I think you’ll be fine.”
“I don’t even know if I want to have kids,” I rush out and shake my head, feeling really uncomfortable that I even had the nerve to ask this question. “I can’t ever see myself as a mother.”
“That’s okay too,” she offers helpfully. “But you know…you did have a baby inside you, so technically, you already are a mother.”
My body stills at those very poignant words that hit me like a ton of bricks. “But I never even saw the baby. I just…started bleeding. Then they told me there was no heartbeat anymore, and it would pass on its own.”
Belle nods sympathetically and reaches out to touch my leg. It’s a gentle touch, but it feels meaningful. “You became a mother the moment you got that positive pregnancy test. Tell me you didn’t change your life around for that baby before you ever even had a scan done.”
I pause, knowing I can’t dispute that fact.
“You were making decisions a mother would make.”
“God,” I croak, my chin trembling with unexpected emotion at her very logical words.
“Sorry.” She laughs and pulls her hand back. “I wouldn’t speak like this to all my patients, but since you’re not my patient, I’m not afraid to tell you that I think you’d make an incredible mum.”
