Page 110 of Sweeper
“Because…we’re not together,” she says it quickly like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
I grip the back of my neck and point at the door behind me. “You went to a soccer game with my mom. You showed up here with her after. You were beside me all evening. What do you mean we’re not together? You’re standing right in front of me, Daphney.”
She shoots me a guilty look that I fucking hate. “I can understand how my involvement in all this confused you.” She tucks her hair behind her ears and avoids eye contact. “But I only wanted you to find peace with your mum. And I guess I got caught up in all that today. Emotions were high, and I was just so happy to see you guys talking.” Her eyes lift to mine when she adds, “But I haven’t forgotten that you used me to figure all of this out.”
“I made a mistake,” I state firmly, my hands turning to fists at my sides. “But that’s all it was. A mistake. We’re bigger than that, surely. You wouldn’t have cared about my mom if you didn’t care about me still.”
“Zander, I do care about you.” Her face is resigned, her body language closed off. She’s at complete odds with the girl who hugged me and gave me life only a few hours ago. “Against my better judgment, I care. But I cannot ignore the fact that you used me.”
“So, that’s it?” I snap, my tone acidic as frustration courses through my veins. “You’re done with me?”
“You knew I was messed up about my ex, and you still didn’t come clean about everything.” She shrugs like that’s all there is to it, but that’s not all there is to it. There’s so much more to it that my mind and my heart are currently battling over who gets to speak first.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I step closer to Daphney, so she’s forced to look into my eyes. “I am not your ex. I actually feel remorse for lying to you. I’m not a sociopath who fucking stole from you and doubled down in court. I struggled to let you in, but that’s in the past now. I want you all in. Don’t let your past trauma ruin that.”
“It’s not just about Rex.” Her brows knit together in the middle as she looks up at me.
“Then what is it?” I exclaim, jamming my hands through my hair. “Tell me so I can fix it and kiss you.”
Her face bends with emotion as her eyes search mine. “You can’t fix it, Zander. It just is what it is. You and I aren’t on the same page, and that’s how I know this has to be over.”
“That’s really what you see?” I huff, backing up and tossing my hands out to put myself on display. “I’ve texted you and called you and looked for you for a week. I had the biggest game of my life to prepare for, and there wasn’t a goddamn minute when I wasn’t thinking of you. I scaled a fence at Old George just so I could beg for your forgiveness. That doesn’t put me on your fucking page?”
“Look, I’m not saying you don’t have regrets. I know you do.” She lowers her gaze to nervously fiddle with the strings on her hoodie. “And I know you’re grateful that I helped bring you and your mum together. But I don’t want you to use that gesture I made to turn this into more than it is. That’s not what I want.”
“What do you want?” I croak, my voice guttural as my eyes begin to burn. Holy shit, I can’t figure her out.
Daphney opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out, and that fucking dimple in her chin that I used to love appears, taunting me with a million unanswered questions. Her eyes cast downward, and her voice is resigned when she finally says, “I think it was a mistake for us to turn our neighbors-with-benefits situation into something more. It’s better to end this now before we get to the point of no return. This way, we can stay friends.”
“Friends?” A disgruntled laugh rips up my throat as an ache blooms through my chest at that horrible fucking label. “So that’s where you want me?”
She nods woodenly. “I think it’s what’s best for both of us.”
“It’s best for you,” I hiss and then step back because my body is starting to break down. The events of the past twenty-four hours are finally taking their toll. I spent the past year forcing myself not to feel the loss of my father, and now I feel everything all at once, and it’s too damn much. I’m tired of feeling. And I’m tired of fighting for someone who has no desire to fight for me.
I turn on my heel and open the door for Daphney to leave, avoiding eye contact as she walks past me because if she looks at me, I’ll crumple. I’ll tell her that she’s a disappointment because she doesn’t see me for who I really am. But if she can’t see me now, in my weakest moment, maybe she never will.
When she steps out into the hallway and makes her way over to her place, I close my door and can’t help but think the final score in the Zander/Daphney relationship match is Zander: two, Daphney: two. And no one ever wins with a tie.
Zander
It’s Sunday evening when I slide out of the black cab in front of the gated entrance of Vaughn Harris’s house in Chigwell. I gaze down the driveway at the bright yellow double door entrance. This is the Harris childhood home. I’ve been here before, but I’m seeing it through different eyes now that everything is out in the open. I hope I know what I’ve gotten myself into.
“Just call when you want us to come back and get you,” Link says, resting his hand on my shoulder as he stands solemnly beside me. “I mean it, we’re just going to be at a pub a mile away. It won’t take us long to get back. I’ll fucking run it if we can’t get a cab quick enough.”
“Or if you want us to come in with you, we will,” Knight offers, leaning against the open car door. He hits me with another one of his iconic serious looks. “The Harrises have each other to lean on, and you’re going in alone. I don’t like that.”
I laugh and shake my head. “It’s not like they’re strangers.”
“I know,” Knight says and glowers back at me. “I still don’t like it.”
I glance between my two friends. Brothers from another mother, teammates, and so much more. These guys didn’t hesitate when I called and asked them to meet me for breakfast this morning. And after how shitty I’d been treating them the past week, hell, the past several weeks as I’ve dealt poorly with all this family shit, I’m not sure I deserve their friendship. But I’ll be damn sure I’m going to do everything in my power to be worthy of it now.
My phone pings with a notification, and I glance down to see it’s from Daphney. Shaking my head, I slide it back into my jeans.
“Was that her?” Link inquires, pinning me with a curious look.
I nod and roll my eyes. “Yes, but I’m not going to open it.”
